Jusdomain :-)

2005-07-17T18:06:00.000+08:00

Death

2005-04-19T20:55:00.000+08:00

Recieved news last thursday that i also managed to get into NUS, felt really happy that day but yet had a certain weird fell coz now i had to choose between SMU and NUS.

In the end, after talking to several people and friends about it i think that SMU would be a better choice, which means that i will have to disrupt soon...

I've been trying to contact this 'Melissa' from SMU's Admissions office but i keep getting her voice recording system. Heng, i finally managed to get her on the phone yesterday, i explained my situation to her and informed her that i needed a letter and some information regarding the course and she promptly replied that she would be sending the letter and an email to me A.s.a.p.
therefore all i can do now is wait and hope. (BUT! till now still no email...)

Sunday went to Sentosa again, with Lionel AGAIN... , but at least this time had the company of 4 other 'babes' Shi Jia, Shi Ping, Michelle, and Qinna, in their Bikinis, flaunting their assets. Sight for sore eyes!. Was rather disappointed that Koo Binz couldn't make it but wad to do, we were already there liao... Anyway, this trip was rather different from other instances as i was more in the relaxed mood that day,other than some soccer, volleyball and swimming, i spent most of the time relaxing in the sun, swinging on the hammock, and listening to music. But never the less, i had a great time. After that we went for KTV, all of us were virtually freezing in the room coz we were in shorts and t-shirts, but bo bian, Shenton KTV runs on a central aircon system so just had to stay 'cool' loh. Only managed to get 4 jackets from the personnel there and of course those went to the gals. Later on, Lionel had to leave early to book-in so i followed him to share cab home.

Recently starting to feel the lonely bug again... weird... macham period like that, come and go and come and go and come... And each time it comes, u feel like shit.

The guys are planning a Trip to RAWAS island, but im still on the fence on whether i should go, Charmaine has QQ (one room), Bin and Eileen(Another), Jamie and Friend(Another), Lionel still pending so might just end up me alone... Just Great! Plus in the night, if they all have their own romantic walks and stuff, then i super sian liao... just great sia... Plus i already said that i will pei them one so i dun like to go back on my word. Brain Q...
If only got a nice, pretty, friendly, beautiful, cute, funny and kind gal follow me go can liao, But most prob only in my dreams ba, kk just joking, doubt that thats ever gonna happen...

Maybe i should just take leave to visit Andy in Australla, can see the world and might even enjoy myself! But thats just a thought for now.

2005-03-21T01:10:00.000+08:00

Its Sunday night and my period of 'LULL' is over, starting from tomorrow its back to hectic work and endless boredom...(till ORD) haha but always gotta look at the bright side of stuff ya? so staying happy would be in my list.

Bought a new IPOD Photo last week at the IT fair, and at the same time also bought an IPOD Mini for my bro... All together, it was rather 'painful'! - monetary wise. The Photo cost bout $618 and Mini about $438, just threw $1000 plus away in one day. PAin sia! still haven't felt this kind of pain before so that day was a first for me.

Actually i was only able to bring myself to spend the amount as my account balance was gradually going up ba... its easier to save without a GF and well, spending on myself is seriously very minimal, In addition, i have a few 'Investments' and 'Debtors' so i believe that i'm still well to do for now. Otherwise, it would seriously require a gun at my head to make me use that kind of cash man...

I also went for my SMU Interview on thursday and i believe that i managed to ACE it, but the results are yet to be seen, so i'm not getting too over confident for now.

Anyway its late and i need to wake at 5am later so im ending now and will elaborate more on the interview and today's SMU talk another time.

Just to add, it was nice seeing an old friend today and i kinda realised that some things seem to never change as much as we will try. Many a times, controlling certain feelings; thoughts; events or instances are not up to us while nature gradually and surely takes its due course in life.

2005-03-05T15:47:00.000+08:00

Last week was rather interesting... haha rather happening stuff.... kk

Num One:
Wednesday Nite... Koo Binz, Lionel and me had the plan to go down Zouk as lionel's friends have been pestering him to join them so thats basically wad we decided on (Or Planned) since Lionel was leaving for Taiwan on Sat....

Initially, the plan was for us to just take a taxi coz i wanted to drink mah, plus the fact that i am the only one OFFICIALLY able to drive so i told them that we should take a taxi instead. But... But... but... after some persuasion, kana pyscho-ed to drive so kk drive then drive loh :). But when one's down i guess everything follows, we had the most impeccable luck!!!
Just as the car was turning into the filter out of PIE to CTE, we started hearing some kind of weird clicking noise comming from the front of the car... and as the music was blasting in the car, one can imagine how loud the clicking noise was... Something was definatelly wrong, so Lionel wined down the window and my god! the damn sound was crazy! haha PHUK PHUK PHUK...!!! And in an instant, i lost all power, the car's engine went off, and all i was able to do was control the gliding to the side of the lane. The hazard lights were on and i managed to stop the car at the side of the express way... Just great! there we were, 3 of us dressed to Cheong ending up with a broken down car. (Some may just link this to the fact that my dad's new car will be coming in a week so maybe the old one just gotta show some tantrum before its final walk... But why the hell on me? in fact, it actually broke down once already on my dad a few weeks ago haha...) We got out of the car and opened the currently smoking bonnet, laughing through the entire process... :) it was rather funny how all the events transpired so i just could not contain my laughter at that time(sounds crazy huh!). Anyway we realised that we were stopped in a really dangerous place as it was just after a bend comming from the PIE (a rather blind spot) so we had to at least move the car further up, i tried starting the car up again and for that instant i managed to start, but i was unable to accelerate, thus i just had to call upon the strengths of my two strong... powerful... muscular... friends to do some pushing, haha!!! Clicking into neutral gear, the pushing started and we managed to achieve our purpose, ending up in a much safer area.

Eariler i had already called my dad and he managed to contact my uncle to get a ride down. It was better to have more experienced people around. Having nothing else to do, the 3 of us just sat at the side of the road and watched the cars go by, realising that we were loosing the mood to cheong.

In the end, the older generation was also unable to re-start the car so we still had to resort to calling the towing service. After the car was safely towed away, we all loaded into my uncle's car and agreed to just head back to tampines for makan.

We went to S11 and had a few drinks and after looking around, established that the food there was crap so we headed to the 7-11 near my place instead. We then ended up eating microwaved stuff and having drinks from there, sitting outside and talking cock till bout 2 plus 3. In the end, the guys stayed over at my place till the next day, thursday! - Which also holds another interesting story! haha.

Num Two:
Back home! Slept till afternoon and the guys have left already, and I’m online watching my Naruto and chatting with friends. Saw Marilyn online and asked if she wanted to meet up tonite, and decided on pool session. Next came SMS messages from Debby asking for ppl to go down Dbl O with her. Since I was free then go loh! Haha so the plan was settled, pool at bout 8 plus and Dbl O as bout 10 plus. But the more important part is yet to come :) haha!

That night at double O I met an Angel, she was radiating beauty in every sense of the word and dancing with grace and splendor, the magnificence of her exquisiteness was incomparable, to the extend that it seemed like she was the only one on the dance floor. She was different from the others, dancing such that it required attention yet promptly refused it and poised & elegant instead of sluttish like many others, phew! An eighth wonder of the world! Try as I might I just could not keep my eyes of her.

The only problem at that time was that she was already dancing with someone else.. :( rather sian, so being the type of person I am, I didn’t think I could interrupt them. But my eyes were still uncontrollably locked on her. In any case Debby, her friends, Lionel, and me danced the night away, drinking and getting really high, enjoying ourselves! Till about 30 mins from the end of the night (3am), I noticed that my angel was dancing alone!?! Hmmm… weird to a certain extent, so I decided to approach. It was only till nearing the end that I managed to dance a while with her and conversed with her… we exchanged names and I asked for her no. , which disappointingly she could not give stating that she was attached, and neither could she take mine as she didn’t have her phone and stuff with her. So instead I asked if we could be friends instead which rendered a more pleasurable reply. Her name was Ezann and I only now realized that she is the Media Corp artiste Ezann Lee, haha guess there goes my chances huh!, but still it was a good experience. Maybe I’ll look for her on friendster and see whether we can be friends, guess that would already be enough for me :)

And that all for now, Lionel will be leaving tonight so here's wishing him all the best fro his taiwan trip! hope that everything goes well for him! All the best Bon Voyage!

2005-01-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

haha... siao liao lah... my blog is as good as going extinct liao lah... Been 1 month since i bloged already... haha hmmm maybe i should make more of an effort to write some stuff in my blog...

Anyway, i was confined in camp last weekend coz the whole company having exercise, hmmm had to mend comms and act as Vehicle Commander, basically just a waste of time - as almost all of the SAF's activities. hmmm just can't wait till it all finally ends.

Friday went to sentosa again... The initial plan was suggested by Charmaine coz she was going down to the beach with her COLT CAR CLUB members so she asked us to tag along, so thats wad we did. At first, Marilyn was supposed to join us, but as usual, she 'fang fei ji' in the morning with the excuse that she was tired... haiz... too used to being pang sae liao..., anyway, that trip proved to be my worst ever 'Sentosa experence'!...
The story goes like that - Initially, i thought that my foot rot had already healed coz i could walk around as per normal and it was obviously not giving me any problems. So i happily made my way onto the HOT & SHARP sand and started playing a volleyball match and well, it should seem rather obvious wad happened next. The sand scratched my skin till it was bout 3 layers in, and both soles started to hurt like crap again!!! SHIT!!! I couldn't even walk properly(especially with sand all over!). Next i thought that well, maybe i should try soaking the leg in sea water, so thats wad i did... and once i got in ... !!! PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN!!!!! excruciating ridiculous pain! haha after that, i virtually had to crawl back to our mats.... Crap SIA! Ended up just lying there for a while for a tan and then decided to go back early... just a shit day sia.

Sat - Leg was feeling better already, still hurting a little, but dun care just had to go out and buy some new year clothes... plus the guys had already planned to sing KTV at night so might as well go out earlier to do some shopping rite. So went down to Heeren and ended up getting a pair of jeans, a shirt and a t-shirt, which totalled about $150!!! ex sia... but thats not the main thing. The problem of the day came to be my utter disappointment when once again i kana 'fang fei ji'... Charmaine say she too tired after sentosa and have sun burn so cannot go, then ask Eileen and Binzz both no reply my SMSes, so in the end dun go KTV liao... Haiz, ever since Charm got new BF and E & B got together life like sian sian like that. Always kana pang sae and end up with lionel alone... until he like really become my gf liao... can't stand it liao lah, must go find some activities for myself... Get to know more ppl and go do some stuff...

I dun really trust the sites like friendster and etc so also dunno how but by hook or by crook gotta plan activites liao, even if its without my 'buddies'. so jia you jia you loh! ;)

2004-12-19T15:32:00.000+08:00

Hmmm, phew!!! ok, finally back from Korea, wonderful trip! haha, had lost of fun and new experences, but now no time to say anything much about the details. Hmmm... guess will be trying to get the pics online if possible and adding the link here ba.

Time passes rather fast, the end of 2004 is already approaching and lots of stuff to do, so guess i will just 'shot' little short messages like this one every time i can ba. k then thats all...

2004-11-24T22:30:00.000+08:00

Oh My GOD! haha last blog was 10th Oct in Taiwan, and now its the 24th Nov, wha cowz, its been near 50 days liao... haha was really busy in taiwan and the week after i came back and after that, was spending lots of time catching up with friends and was actually just plain lazy to sit down and start blogging again. Now that i have a little more time and my company is having lull period, i can now sit down and do some blogging. Hmmm, lets start with some catching up from my training period, just gonna shoot some short briefs that i kept on my phone, so as not to give too long boring stuff.

14th Oct 2004...
Last night had drinks again with friends, the gao liang was strong but still ok lah... During the day damn busy, but along the way came across the opportunity to get out of camp to buy some stuff. HAha Finally got to get out of the camp to see how things are in the Taiwan Villages... Recieved information that i will also be going outfield with the trainees for their training, lasting for bout 9 days... In the nite attended meeting with all the Warant Officers, damn stress coz all the big shots were there, helped them plan the attack route, defence situations and advance routes. Still unsure about how the next 9 days will go.

15th Oct 2004...
Shit! Having a splitting headache, plus realised that my foot rot getting worse so i just put a plaster on the wound... The entire morning was just plain busy and hectic non-stop coz everyone was preparing for the 9-day exercise... Confirm will be going along too... now even worse, my head is tearing me apart! ah! help! Plus haven't even left the camp yet... Afternoon went out field loh, and helped set up a tentage for the first time, interesting!... Oh yar, and we experenced a mini earth quake today too, felt weird for the first time, haha people were thinking that there were others shaking the beds and shouting for them to stop, haha!... Although i was not really feeling well, my CQ was feeling even worse and had to rest so i took over his job and did the delivery of fresh ration and the break-fast.... Head is getting worse...

16th Oct 2004
Ah! Cannot Tahan already... Headache like siao... Everytime i swallow anything even saliver also pain... Ache straight to the brain!... Throat is all swollen and i can't move my head around too much as it causes a nerve ache... Just too two paracetamol tabs, hope that they will help... Something wrong! Unlucky like crazy!

17th Oct 2004
ATT C - Means on MC, virtually slept in camp for the whole day, didn't even eat. CAn't move and feeling like crap.

18th Oct 2004
ATT C again, but morning was too hungry to carry on sleeping so had to slowly make my way down to the canteen to get some food... There was no one else around in camp so it was as bad as that even if i had died my corspe would really be rotting there before enyone noticed...

19th to 25th Oct 2004
Slowly recovered from my sickness and got back to work for the 9 day ex... spent some days staying out and in base camp. Helping in stuff and etc, won't go into the boring details except that the senery was spectacular!

26th to 29th Oct
The four days of R&R haha!!! finally the fun is here. The only disappointment was that the first day of our R&R was spent staying in our camp and there was even talk that all the four days might be cut, the reason being the Tornado warning for Tai Pei. But Fortunately we still managed to set off on the second day - Yeah!. To summarize, we basically spent the 2nd and 3rd days Going with a tour group in the afternoon to places of interest and the night shopping at Si men ding and Shi ling Ye She, both famous places for shopping in Tai Pei, similar to our Orchard Rd and Bugis Street ba, ... the entire last day was spent shopping too till bout 4 plus in the afternoon before we all gathered back to the hotel to make our way to the Airport. The experence taught me many things of which bargining would be a major one, haha, i was actually walking around shopping with 4 other malays and 1 indian so i was basically the only interpretator, actually managed to help them settle many deals :-)

Ok then!, thats bout all i can say bout the trip. Hmmm, but actually there were lots of other smaller events that happened in between and i could really write loads about the places of interest and shopping experences but i just summarised much of it. Plus i also tired liao lah, k then till next time.

2004-10-13T18:32:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey!... guess wad!, i'am actually blogging from Tai Zong now, haha!... Its actually my FIFTH day here and i finally have time to access the internet over here. The actual connection setup is actually only located opposite my block in a small room they named the 'Computer Room'. but i have really had no time at all to even sneak a short trip over, except for the first day when we were allowed to 'tour' the place (to familiarize us with our surroundings) and obviously NOW!(Or else how to blog :) )

The actual way that they operate is rather innovative. What they have done is to actually connect a 'box' with a coin slot to the computer. The machine (box) operates with a counter, so all u need to do is just slot in a 10NT (bout S$0.50) coin and the screen comes up from a hibernation state and the counter starts counting down your 30mins. Quite cool if u ask me, absolutely automated and ridiculously cheap, not bad at all. Hmmm, should bring the concept back to Singapore.

Although i have not had the time, i have managed to do my own 'Diary', so i'm like, gonna just slowly dump my diary logs in as and when i can get to come over here to use the net. Plus, the 'Computer Room' only opens during the evenings and that's the time when everyone comes back and i have more work to process so its hard for me to get away, but at least its good that i'm, finally able to blog this now... :)

10th October - Monday - 4th day in Taiwan

Its my fourth day here already and i guess its time to just say more about my time here. The last few days have been really hectic for me as i had to prepare all admin related material (and even other matters that really should not involve me but 'Bo Bian, Lan Lan, Live with it loh'). To the extent that i even had to assist my CQ to do some stuff. Also, stuff like drawing paper, drafting / printing new documents (that could have been done while i was in Singapore but the numb-skulls over there had not planned the stuff yet...) Unloading of OPs boxes, Store paperwork settlements, drawing of converters & transformers, liasing with the HQ personnel over here, allocating rooms to the trainees, briefing the trainees, ensuring that every single person is around, ensuring that every single person's luggage arrives, and of course my own personnal bunk and clothing stuff. Not to mention stuff like daily parade state, daily company roll order (CRO), troops movement charts and all admin instructions (AI) for all exercises... Phew!... and i believe that it will not end there, more work is expected for the next few days, until the company leaves for outfield training.
Today rather tired after all the rushing from the last few days so i shall only write till here, gotta get some shut eye and prepare for tomorrow... For now still full of work and stuff to do so the 'Missing' still not kicking in ba... so for now still ok :)
k then Nite!

2004-10-03T04:38:00.000+08:00

Phew... seems like an eternity since my last post. Im just back home from ktv with the guys. These few weeks have really been rather weird for me. In a way i just cant shake off this dreading feeling of moodyness and uncontrollable urges to just let everything out and shout or punch a wall etc.

There has been lots of changes happening around me and i am only just beginning to catch up with all the reality. Charmaine has found a new bf, and i'm really happy for her, yet in a way i just can't help feeling sorry for Aaron (Her ex) cause of the similarity between how we were put down. Although i can't say that Aaron was really good to her in the first place but i still think that Charm didn't really handle it well at all. In anycase, its all over and the most important thing now is that she is happy. And from wad i can see, she is :-)

Next comes My dearest 'Sis' Miss Eileen... She has now also officially found herself a bf too. Guess who that is?... It none other that my dear 'bro' Mr Koo Bin Wen... haha, so i guess that all my close friends are all finally finding their happiness one by one. Guess who's still lonely and alone? haha... Dun get me wrong, Sure im overjoyed and happy for them but it hurts everytime i see them being so Xin Fu and Mei Man, and so in a way im kinda like avoiding them unless its really a need to meet them (like just now coz i felt i had to see them before i leave). Granted that i miss them but i dun want to be a bore or a light bulb and since being around makes me feel a little weird, i guess its for the best, at least for now. Anyway they are all enjoying their honeymoon periods so i guess it really matters not whether or not i meet them.

Other that that i'm coming to realize that there are certain things in life that just cannot change no matter how much u may wish to try to change them and so reality is only now setting in. Sometimes i just think on stuff and get this overwhelming feeling of low and high emotions, some that make me laugh and others that may even bring mosture to my lids and yet i know i'm indulging in my past and ignoring the more important future. But at this point, i just cannot see any type of clear future for me... Guess its time to start planning my own future... But Efforts dun pay off and results dun encourage but i gotta just hang on... coz life goes on, yup, the dreaded line again... Life Goes On...

I will be flying off on Thursday morning at bout 2am... Going to Taiwan With ARMY... The worst thing is that i have this really funny undescribe-able feeling that is seemingly making me lean towards a certain unknowing bad outcome from the trip. I have told some ppl about this feeling but only some, coz i know its no point letting others worry too much, and i am sure its just another weird feeling emitting from somewhere inside me. I know that i will be back safe and sound and hopefully happy and at peace. But just in case, i had planned to make sure i see all those i care for in my life at least once before i leave. And till now i have completed the most part of them, with only a few left. Well if it is to be that i won't be able to see them then so be it, just too bad.

Hmmmzzz... reaching the point where i have nothing to say again... maybe just to mention some of the more interesting stuff that happened to me... I fell sick last week in camp and felt rather lousy. The worst thing is that nobody knew, and i was sleeping all alone in the bunk, all alone in camp, the situation was actually like - even if i died there and then no one would even know... Wonderful huh... And im actually wondering how come i am feeling low?... haha seems to be obvious.

Lets see... am i actually pessimistic? I have really tried digging out every possible kind of 'good' in my life and focusing on them and using them to keep me going so i know for one that i am puting an effort but some things i think just can't be helped. Time will help i hope... i sincerly do... Worst still is the fact that my family and friends can see that there is something wrong with me recently, asking me wads wrong and i just can't pin point it to anything... thus i cannot ans them... hmmm... Time... time... past past past... fast fast fast...

Till next time...

2004-09-12T23:43:00.000+08:00

Act Cool... Think the shades dun go...

2004-09-12T23:42:00.000+08:00

Relax & Think...

2004-09-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

Lionel THE MANZ!

2004-09-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Haloha!

2004-09-12T23:36:00.000+08:00

Lionel & Me!

2004-09-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

Eileen - Mei Nu...

2004-09-12T23:34:00.000+08:00

Woo Hoo!

2004-09-12T23:33:00.001+08:00

Shaq Liao!

2004-09-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

Sentosa!

2004-09-12T23:08:00.000+08:00

Dreaming Away...

2004-09-12T21:45:00.000+08:00

Sitting here staring at the com, wondering what i should add into this post...

Maybe i'll just say something about yesterday's 'outing' to sentosa. Participants would include Eileen, Lionel and finally me (YES! Only us 3). Initially we didn't really want to go at all since there weren't many ppl joining us, but in the end we still went ahead with our plan and i believe that we did kinda enjoy ourselves.

We did mostly the normal stuff, the only problem being that the sun went into hiding once we settled down. i wanted to get some sunshine but in the end i really didn't manage to get much of that. Played lots of volleyball, dived, swam and just allowed myself to push away my problems and thoughts for awhile and forget all i had on mind. The day passed fast and soon we decided to go. Something interesting that happened was that we kinda encountered this gal that was on the verge of tears, running around asking everyone whether they had came across this guy that was walking around with a surf board. The thing is that we did and so we let her know his general direction. She then walked off only to come around to the same place again with the same general question only with more requirements on details... (Poor gal walking around, tearing, franticly pushing the buttons on her phone... haiz... the familar sight of hurt and pain.) We didn't really know much thus we didn't manage to help her the second time. If i had not already finished showering and etc, i would have tried to help more, but as such that fate would have it, i was tired and didn't really care that much (Plus the guy in question looked really tao and exchanged stares with me when we passed so i really didn't care).
We then left and headed to Harbour Front for dinner... Pasta Mania... and subsequently headed home.

During the last week, i think it was wednesday. I went back to CGH for my check up and after the examination, i was then duely discharged from the hospital, (but of course, since i didn't have any complains... except for the usual pains in the morning and the resident aches i constantly experience). And the doctor confirmed that these would be existent for a long time to come. So i guess that i just have to 'get used the the pain'. Its not easy getting used to my physical defect but i hope that i can slowly get back to my regular activities. I have been doing my own excercises and am sure that i will not be kept in my current physical confines forever. I will also be taking part in the Army Half Maraton (AHM) that will be held on the Sheares Bridge, the actual run would be for 21km(Competitive basis) but i am only going to be doing 5km(Non-Competitive) due to my situation. The fact is that i am actually looking forward to running in this event, i have already began trying slow jogs and building up my stamina. Although my leg tends to ache after these workouts, i know that it will only be temporary. I know the risk involved is not small or simple so i have already confirmed with my doc that i have the green light for this, i never want to go through that period of my life again... ever...

Other that that i think there's nothing much else to say. I'm Actually experencing a kind of emotional roller coaster now but i just don't really know how to put it, so i shall just not say much. k then till next time...

2004-09-03T19:44:00.000+08:00

Korean Love Story

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.His name is Jin.I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl

Jin, do you want to go watch a movie? I asked.
Jin: "I can't" "Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No, I am going to meet a friend.
"He was always like that.He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.To him, I was just a girlfriend.The word "love" only came out from my mouth.Since I knew him, I had never heard him say "I love you" before.

To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days, 200daysEveryday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What?don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: you...um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll.Then he disappeared, like he was running away.The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.But ...lunch passed, dinner passed...and soon the sky was dark he still didn't call.It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted..."Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell meI put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."That was what he said. Then he ran off.My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily...How could he!.I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.He didn't call me, although I was waiting.He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...Why did he gave these to me??Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girlsIn a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that it's going to end.Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.Soon, he held out the doll as usual
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What?.why?I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking."I'm sorry..." He apologized in a tiny voice.He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.Then...Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted....But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"HONK~!!*Boom!* That sound, so terrifying.That's how he went away from me.That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him
And after spending two months like a crazy personI took out the dolls.Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days- when we were in love.."One...two... three..."That was how I started to count the dolls..."Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.I hugged it tightly, then suddenly..."I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked."I...lo..ve..you??"I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach."I love you~ I love you~"It can"t be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side."I love you~""I love you~""I love you~"Those words came out non-stop."I love you~"Why didn't I realize that???.
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.It had his blood stain on it.

The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much....

"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you..... Um... since I was too shy. If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you.. everyday...till I die.. Jo... I love you!

"The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now?He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute

For that.. and for that reason... to me..... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...

2004-08-31T20:06:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... back home today... actually was thinking whether i should come back tonight coz i didn't have any plans anyway. In the end i just decided to come back pei my parents for dinner ba. Now that the course is one its way, my loads of work have also started to diminish, days are more relaxed now although i may still have some periods of hectic shots.

One problem now is that i used to have another spec helping me out now and then which gave me some time to take off, relax and do my stuff gradually, but now, i am left alone as he has been posted to another area. The main problem is not the work load, as in the first place i was mostly the one doing everything anyway, instead, the problem lies in the fact that i am the only one that can handle all their administration, computer related stuff, document processing, training matters, hardware problems, HQ communication, emails, reports and form creation, therefore i CANNOT take any off (which are owed to me coz of weekend duties). haiz actually my 2IC had initially given me off days but now i can only hang in there till another guys gets posted in and learns the stuff he needs to know.

these few days have been really funny for me, i have things on my mind that only my real close friends know bout and i just can't shake them off... its like things that i morally and logically know are not an advantage to me but still i cant control myself... Mind is in a total blur now and can't help thinking too much... and in addition, some of my friends are having problems too so helping them tends to come first, to the extend that i even contemplate too much about their problems.

Recently heard a story about a person whom has really had a hard life, having parents that are divorced, friends that are into drugs or in changi chalet, having to cope with life coz of monetary problems, thus causing a change to notorism. And worse, having people cheating on you even when they know that u are already in a dire condition. Sometimes we should look at our so called 'ah-lians' or 'ah-bengs' in a different light, in a way that is more fair to them instead of just judging the book by its cover, everyone has had problems and every one has had a childhood. A time when we were ignorant and blur, easily misled and confused. As long as one has the intention to change and a desire to live life for the better, the people around them should try their best to help, to help these people find meaning in their lives and to get back on the proper track. To me, the bravest of people are not the ones that scale the highest moutains or walk the longest routes but the ones that are able to realise their gravest mistakes, acknowledge them, and learn to recover from them. And i believe that that's sometimes wad a life may be all about...

2004-08-24T12:41:00.000+08:00

I was in camp minding my own business when i stumbled across this poem that was written by one of my pals there, it overwhelmed me with emotion to the extent that i was on the brink of tears and i promised him that i would 'advertise' his work on my blog and so here it is. By: Joachim Auyong

"Tearfully yours" I said as she walked away
"'I'll still love you after many a day"
"Even if you have to say goodbye"
"I will love you till the day I die"

Even before she faded out of sight
I knew in my heart that I would not survive
How could I? I asked myself in despair
When love had left without a care

I treasure the memories we had together
The happiness promised to last forever
Though my heart can hold her no more
I would still love even at death's door

Why did it end like thus?
I thought we were bonded by trust
A trust in the fact that our love was pure
A trust you betrayed and left no cure

I wish we could talk again
I wounder why you'd cause me such pain
The love I knew never would this do
To break my heart leaving not a clue

Joachim Auyong

2004-08-24T12:25:00.000+08:00

Its tuesday and im actually at home! haha... will be returning to camp only tomorrow... having leave these two days as the last course just ended and a new batch of trainees are comming in for the ADVANCED SECTION LEADER COURSE... had a really hectic time last week but it felt good to be full of work... i managed to settle everything on time and i really felt good and relieved.

The current flight date that i have on hand for the Taiwan Training Trip is the 8th of Oct, bout a month away... gotta get ready. heard lots of stuff about the whether and environment there, and i'm feeling rather excited. Hope that the trip leaves me with good memories.

I was in camp on sunday doing regimental duty, spent the whole day wasting away and just staring at the television... it was a real waste of time, but thats life and thats the army... Watched the whole New PM's speach too and am now waiting for the new changes that the 5 day week will bring... hope that the changes will be for the better instead of for worse (which is often the case in camp). :-)

ciao! ciao!

2004-08-15T23:10:00.000+08:00

Oh my god!... its really been too long since my last post... actually i've really been just damn lazy to sit down in front of the computer and type. I haven't really had much free time to speak of any way so i prefer using my time to meet friends and watch DVDs etc... instead of blogging...
In any case im finally posting one now... (the only reason being that i'm in front of my computer and TV and watching Man U Vs Chelsea...)

Just a while ago i was learning a few new songs on the guitar, specificly being 'The Reason' - by Hoobastank and 'She will be loved' - by Maroon 5, i kinda heard the tunes on the radio and had a sudden urge to try playing them... :) The good news is that once I found the Tabs, i realised that both songs were really easy to play but the bad news is that both songs rely a lot on their Bass and Drums for their tunes and melody so the final sound that is derived from ONLY my guitar still sounds rather boring... Guess i gotta get my camp's drummer to lend a beat or two... :)

The weeks are going by rather fast as there has been lots of stuff to do, so i can safely say that i have been rather occupied. Coz of that, i think that my mind is starting to clear up more and i am now able to really think better and not in a much too clouded aspect... Life is still boring as usual but i have been trying to find programs to help me spend my time. And till now, i guess my efforts have been rather successful. With stuff to do and things to think about, life and time passes much faster and i can feel more at ease with life.

SMU starts school tomorrow and there are a few of my friends that will be commencing their first day tomorrow... here's wishing them Best of luck in their new pharse in life and i hope that everything will be fine for them. Uni life may be stressful but im sure that its more challenging and meaningful than anything u can possibly get in the ARMY so always look on the bright side k guys! And more importantly always remember that although studies are important, this could really be that last time in your lives that u can be in this position as a proper student with only studies and projects to think about so treasure your time and friends as u may never come across such a chance again. REMEMBER TO ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!

haiz... tired liao... guess i'm stopping here... oh and btw... i will be going to taiwan for training soon... so there will be a period where i will not be able to blog... if possible and if my laziness does not kick in again, i will blog before i go and add my trip details in... k then...

2004-08-01T12:24:00.000+08:00

Would you do this for someone?

Message: A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on the road...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it onyourself? Its bugging me.

(In the paper the next day):A motorcycle had crashed into a building becauseof break failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time,then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.Would you do this for someone??
i know i would...

2004-07-25T15:42:00.000+08:00

Yo ppl! the URL for the pictures. Go take a look K!

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/share/welcome?i=EeBOGbJm3bNnCQ

:)

2004-07-25T12:40:00.000+08:00

whoah! finally got some time to sit down and do some blogging... the last week in camp has been rather hectic and i really didn't have any time to really settle down and do something that i enjoyed. All the rush and stuff was mainly due to having to prepare for an ISO inspection that was due in camp... all the paper work had to be updated and documents files.. trainees particulars and schedules updated etc etc... actually something as simple as that would not be a problem but the main difficulty was that the last few people who held my position were not performing their duties and they left me with a bunch of messy shit to clean up... and as documents had to like, dated back all the way till 2002, all the compiling and filing and cleaning up was blowing up my head!... but at least now i have really cleared up most of the stuff in the company line and i can say that i virtually know exactly where stuff are kept and be able to locate them fast and efficently... at least that will help in my job :) .

Next update would be the condition of my damned leg... i have been discharged from physio and am feeling better... although the leg still gives me some problems every now and then i still feel that at least i am starting to get back some of my past agility and movement ability. haha... i even went to play badminton and went jogging myself... i just had to do some excercise and get some sweat out coz its really been too long since i last did something that made me perspire. The feeling was great although there was still some pain evident in the end. But still i enjoyed the process!... Another thing is that i realised that i can actually use the gym in camp every night so if i do not have any plans for the evening, i can do some of my own physio therapy in the gym instead of booking out and wondering around meaninglessly :) , hopefully that will eventually help me to get back to my old physicial self.

Next thing would be the photos and video i kinda owe all my friends that attended my 21st bday chalet... really SORRY guys but i really didn't have much time to do any upload or posting of the photos since the 10th... but do not worry... i am currently uploading the photos while drafting this blog, therefore the URL will be emailed to everyone as soon as i can k! I managed to get the site from Shi Hui so a Big thank You to her!, and as for the video, i will try locating a good host for it later too so please be patient k guys! thanks.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yesterday was planning to go out to TM for a walk etc but in the end Lionel asked me to go over to Charmaine's place to help her assemble her new table from IKEA... so we did, and spent about 2 hours there before finishing everything. It was rather like LEGO and i admit i kinda enjoyed putting the parts together :) . After that we then headed down to EastPoint - Jack's Place with Eileen... i said i wanted to give them a good treat for all their help at the party and so i did... hope that they liked it! (It wasn't cheap k! haha but worth it coz of their help!). The amusing thing is that i actually met Gerald and Phelicia right outside Jack's Place, they were just sitting down and chilling out after some shopping i guess, so we had a little small talk and then went about out own businesses. It was nice to see them coz i really liked the present (watch) that they had shared for me so meeting them kinda provided me with a chance to thank them personally face to face :) . And In the night i attended a BBQ organized last min by Shi Jia and friends... it was rather funny as when i got there, all her friends were like in couples and Shi Jia was rather left out... haha (Maybe thats why she wanted to drag Cyril, Lionel and me out). In the first place, i didn't really want to go but then my dear friend 'CYRIL YZELMAN' told me that we could have a Basketball game there, so being in my current crazy craving sports state, i decided to attend the BBQ... the only problem was that after i had reached there, Cryil told me that his parents and aunty were going to walk around MUSTAFA shopping centre and that he may not make it back early coz he had to pei them... pengz sia! so i Bo Bian coz also not nice to leave early rite, so just try to mix around loh... in the end wait till we all finish already and then share cab home liao he also not home yet... gana pang sae sia... haiz... next time he better give me a treat!... :)

hmmmz k then, will be going back to camp tomorrow morning and i have no idea when i will be able to blog again so till next time! (Will add the photos URL Soon!!!)

2004-07-14T19:12:00.000+08:00

Im back in camp already!... went back on monday... back to being the ASA... life is fine for now and i have the freedom to come out of camp in the nights... :) everyday nights out! im currently at home now... booked out not long ago... rather sian also coz later still got to book in... i actually have nights out every night and the last two days i have already went out and met my friends... so today decided to come home and have dinner with my family and of course update my blog... for now, my only problem is that i seldom have friends to spend time with me so in the end i still may have to stay in camp during the nights...

Now for an update on the superb birthday party last saturday... i believe that both me and Bin Wen had a great time. Most of our friends managed to come and i can say that it was quite a success... it was great seeing the people that we sort of lost touch with... like our secondary friends and my poly people... i managed to catch up with most of them and it was great... although it kinda ended rather sadly for me coz two of my close friends got upset and said that i was too busy and was ignoring them when they were helping to do all the work... i admit that they were super help! but i really didn't expect them to be so petty and get angry to the extend that when i finally had some time to approach them and have a chat they even asked me to go away... haiz... all along i thought that they would be staying over night so i concentrated more on my other friends knowing that i could spend time with them after everyone left... but they had to give me 'lian se' to see and leave early... well i have nothing else to say but still i really want to thank them for their help, without them the party would not have gone smoothly at all... and i appreciate them Even if they are angry forever over this small thing...

Another thing is that i got to see her again that day... it was nice... but initially i didn't know how to react... in the end we managed to have talk... i realise that i still miss her but know that i am slowly trying to forget her... trying to be more hardhearted... sometimes i get lost in deep thought... she is nice and super friendly whenever we meet but after we see each other she gets so cold... not wanting to communicate through sms, phone or other means... i really dun know wad to think... i am really wondering if she really does still care like she keeps saying she does... haiz... now lost again... sianz sia... always stuck in this point... hmmm... if this goes on i am not sure if i can even treat her like a friend anymore... i guess she does not want to meet coz she may be thinking for her current BF and how he might feel... but wasn't that how he took her away in the first place?... haiz... and to think that she complained that i didn't like her to spent too much time with her friends... guess im not even a friend now?... hmmm...

Anyway i have like 214MB of pictures from the party and a video to upload so my friends can access and download so it really giving me a problem... gotta think of a method to get it done... if anyone has any idea please let me know k!

ok lah... late liao... going back camp soon... will blog again!

2004-07-02T00:10:00.000+08:00

I guess its been like weeks since my last post... not sure y also... maybe just a little sian or lazy to post... also rather buzy lately preparing for my birthday chalet... this year will be having it with Bin Wen coz our bdays are rather close... hope everything turns out well... Actually until now... all the preperations done were mostly done by me but its also expected lah... coz binz is in camp and isin't really 'available' to help, while im on mc and supposingly damn free... well, i just hope im doing a good job... coz for 20 years of my life, i have never really organized a party like that for myself or anyone so its also a new experence ba...

my leg is getting better but its bending is still not that superb... my physio tells me that my muscle has already began forming up and that i had started physio a little later then i should have, so if i dun 'jia you' i might have a permanent deformation of the knee... so everyday im pulling my leg towards my body and squeezing it tight... it hurts like hell but i just gotta take it! guess its part of my recuperation... Personally i can sense that the leg is getting better and stronger but i am still not taking any risks, gotta care for it like a father to his baby!...

I guess this sounds ironic in comparison to the last statement but I actually went to play basketball with Cyril last week... at pasir ris park, at bout 9 plus till bout 11.30 i think... its ok though coz i mainly stood there and shot some balls... and i realized that my shooting is actually not that bad in comparison to the past... maybe its coz when i was in sec school i was not really 'knowned' for my shooting, instead i liked to run all over and perfered lay-ups and 'lan-di' work. So i guess my knee is also showing me some other stuff about myself that i could have previously overlooked... Its not like basketball is important, but i just took it as an example to my everyday life... getting used to slowing down the pace of my walking... not being able to move around too freely... depending on the people around u more when in the past u were more 'capable' in performing tasks... and others, etc... i know its gonna take long but i know that my knee is definately gonna heal so i will Jia You!

My closest 'friend' left me when i really needed support and that was a big blow but i was lucky to have some real friends there for me when i really needed them so it kinda made things easier... thus i guess i can safely say that my healings are doing well both physically and mentally and although its hard i am dragging myself to the end! This dreaded year is finally through its halfway point... really can't wait for it to end so i can really like start a-fresh!

K then! Hope our chalet goes well! will update after with photos!

2004-06-19T00:08:00.001+08:00

Its been ages since i lasted posted... i also not sure why but i just didn't have the feel... guess i was a little moody... tired... and maybe a little lazy...
Actually i still feel those feelings now too so i guess im just gonna write a little ba...
not sure why but recently my feelings of hate are showing rather often... i am kinda like starting to hate life... hate the why life and its people play me... i hate myself for acting as if i have to be nice... i hate the fact that nice people end up with the shit of others... i have always lived to my principles and i am now wondering if 'how' i am or 'what' i am it actually wrong... should i make a change?... will it eventually help me in anyway?... do the 'bad' people really get what they ought to have and vice versa?... well guess im thinking too much again... but maybe its good that feelings are turning to hate... just maybe...

<<<~~~ Whatever touches the nerves of motive, whatever shifts man's moral position, is mightier than steam, or calorie, or lightening ~~~>>>

2004-06-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

hmmm... i now in a cyber cafe with koo binz... somewhere in bedok... he this week having 8 - 5 so today meet up with him and went to reece our chalet destinations... :) in the end we decided to get two of the ones in NSRCC, the safra resort... although the chalets themselves are located rather deep inside and our guests will have to walk quite a bit but i guess it kinda makes it more private and well it actually gives us more space to kinda organize stuff haha... plus the most important point is that those are the better ones of the ONLY few choices we have left haha ;)... the result of procastination and laziness on our part... haha... bo bian lah, we all last min kings... Will be doing the booking tomorrow then coz we went over rather late and they were already closed... just hope that no one gets them before us!

Lionel was with us just now too coz he had nights-out and well i actually drove and fetched all of them to the to the place... it was really great being able to take a walk and drive again and well it HAS been almost 20 days since i got to do that much so i guess i am kinda entitled to feel a little overjoyed here...

Another matter is that i went for my check up this morning and the results were good i guess... although i am still rather stiff in the leg and my knees are still unable to fully bend, the doc said that these were normal and that i was actually healing rather fast for someone in my situation... hmmm guess thats good news :) and he encouraged me to use more of the leg... as much as i could actually and he also put me back on physio... that was like music to my ears as i really felt that the physio was a great help to me the last time round so i hope that it will be able to give me the same results as before!

Hmmm... wad else?... hmmm oh yar! haha i finally got my new Nokia 6230 today! haha quite a good offer too at S$530 ;)... will most prob be fooling around with it these few days just to maximize its utilities...

Ooo Yar... haiz... i have not been able to sleep these few days... damn sian sia... just crap... i really just dunno y... its really like i feel tired yet i still cant get to bed... darn it... the twisting and turning just continues... oh man! could i really have insomia? crap... wait have to turn to sleeping pills like Elvis... haha ;) and we all know juz how HE ended up... ...

k lah ah Binz is asking me to go off loh... he still has to wake early tomorrow... well at least he still has something to fight for... as for ME?... well maybe just to waste more of my army life... ORrrr like i am hoping... i will try to learn somthing to enrich myself for now with the time i have on my hands... YUP! i will do just that! haha so thats all for now! till next time!

<<<~~~ Ones's Limits are only hindered by their inability to imagine ~~~>>>

2004-06-07T08:19:00.000+08:00

Hmmmm... its 9.00am now... and i am actually drafting a post... haha its funny really coz i guess its been a long time since i have been awake so early... erm but i guess this maybe does not count coz i actually haven't slept yet... haiz... its been like that these few days... just can't get the shut eyes... hmmm actually im also unsure as to why i cant get to sleep every night... its really as if i have to wait till i really have used up all my energy before i can finally rest... hey... and its not as if i haven't tried getting to sleep... for most of the times i have tried, i usually end up lying there and flipping around again and again as though i was some burger patty trying to get cooked ;)... thus i got so irritated with this feeling that i just decided to keep awake today and get myself tired... then maybe tonight i will be able to get to bed early...

hmmm Merv(My Bro) left for NUS on saturday... he has a sort of camp going on and will be staying in the hostel there for a week... hope he has fun! but now that he's away i will have another less person to talk to... these days i haven't really had the chance to do much and actually haven't even been talking often!... to the extent that i even brush my teeth three times everyday just to keep the bad breath away haha... morning... afternoon and nite... :)... if this continues i will soon lose my ability to ocommunicate :)...

hmmm... for the present... friends aren't there... erm... no love to talk of... erm... no knowledge of how to find new peoople to know... hmmm i just love the old days... it seems as though this year is really changing me... i have lost my confidence of late and i know it myself... i will have to find it back if i ever want to be myself again :)... hmmmz... im actually feeling like someone else right now... just a totally different me as compared to before... i seriously do not know why, but well, i just cant let go of all my problems... its as if they are haunting me and hmmm i don't know how to handle them... i know the saying that guys should not be worrying about past stuff but instead looking towards the future... but the only problem now is that my future is one of the problems and it really holds one of the more stressing issues for me... hmmm two more years of meaningless struggles with the national service and with nothing to look forward to even on the weelends and night-outs and hoildays... its really a dire situation... haiz... the more i think, the damn worse it gets but still gotta smile and carry on!!! :) (Well all the guys have to get through it anyway, but my army life is really full of shitty meaningless work... WASTE TIME! it would have been better if i didn't hurt my leg...)

I know that perception is a really hurtful thing... and i know that i am hiding behind a false front and living life... coz i feel that there is no meaning in causing the people around me to also feel down... there is no point... and i see that it fits better if everyone feels happy around me :)... my close ones, my friends and family, are always important to me and i will love and protect them as best i can, even if it means total breakdown... thus i guess that i will have to find someone that treasures me and will be able to care for me so that i will remain intact whilst i am caring for my loved ones :)... hopefully that will patch up some wounds and allow me to rest better :)...

<<<~~~ Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for ~~~>>>

2004-06-05T23:33:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... these few days are really getting boring sia... haven't had much to do and well today wasn't an exception :)... i actually did what most couch potatos would do... i actually finished watching 4 dvds today... wha cowz... i didn't even think that i was capable of something... the boredom must be getting to my head :)... and well thats basically how i spent my saturday... didn't even step out of my house :) haiz... well one can't always complain rite so i'm trying to have as much fun as i possibly can before i go back and see the doc on Wed... not that its as if i am having lots of fun but i just gotta cheer myself up with the little things in life while heading for the bigger stuff :)...

<<<~~~ When it is dark enough, you can see the stars ~~~>>>

2004-06-01T04:59:00.000+08:00

Thoughts for the moment…

Now I think back and I am once again filled with memories… Of the good and unfortunately the bad... I now know why u were so happy when I told u that I understood that ‘individuals should go out and make more friends and if fate was to make events happen that there really comes a change of heart, the other should understand’... Now I really understand it was because u had already had a change of heart... I was no longer in your thoughts and heart, instead there was another...

That’s wad life is... there will never be content... humans will forever be judging towards others and never to oneself... The grass on the other side is always greener and temptation is always there ever since the beginning of time... I am also human and thus will also fall into the same category so am I in any right to blame u?... Yet shouldn’t there be a trust between loved ones that bonds and holds even against temptation’s enticing blackhole?...

Betrayal... what is the true meaning of the word?... and where and when can a person truly use it without doubt or thought?... where can one find the confidence again to live life and to love once more... after his entire life has once flashed before him in an instant of brilliance and eternal pain... He will now never forget and never again will he be revived to what once was...

Many people go through phrases in their lives when sometimes u just question your entire existence... wad we were brought to this world for and how we should live life... and these questions seemingly crash down on u akin to a tsunami that stretches till the end of sight...

Here I am still hurting... and I just have to wonder if I can ever heal... but I must believe... I have seen friends that have been through hurt and yet have overcame the odds but yet aren’t my odds a little different in comparison?... different to an utter enormous extent?... Or am I just exerting self pity that’s seemingly too overly dreadful?...

As the saying goes... it never rains but pours and I am stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean whilst enduring an endless thunder storm... is my savior out there? Will he/she arrive soon?... I guess that I can only help myself now because there is nothing... and no one that can help me... no one that can retrieve me from this shattered rubble...

I hope that u are happy and I know that u are living well... and I wish for u all the best, for that is all I can do for now... I am experiencing mixed feelings, as I desire ur happiness yet the hurt cannot be thwarted... I wake everyday drilling the same identical thoughts into my head... and forcing the repeat of voices that I have imbued my mind... telling myself to carry on and stop this meaningless struggle with myself... Yet the feelings continue to come like an unstoppable hurricane that continues to sweep all in its path...

I have no where to express myself except here and thus, I have done so... I have seen records of your time with him and I presume that everything is well... I will gradually move further away as long as my granted time in this life continues... As the songs continue to play so will the piercing ice in my heart dissolve... and as the moon and sun continue to rise and fall so will my feelings grow fainter with the brightness and darkness...

2004-05-31T14:48:00.000+08:00

Just Testing Out The new Blog Photo Hosting!

2004-05-30T17:55:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... time for another post... hmmm these few days have been well... and i recently even got myself a new software... haha 'adobe audition'... it actually allows u to record different music slots and subsequently combine them into a single mp3 file or other type of music file... haha it thus gives me much more space to be creative as i can mow virtually play the guitar... then sing along... then maybe add some bass and percussion... and the final outcome turns out to be rather cool... haha... it should help me to use some of my overwhelming free time :)...

Yesterday went to Marilyn's birthday chalet... with Bin Wen, Bo Shen, Debby and Jian Hui... actually we didn't really do much there for most of the evening... and most of the time we were actually chatting and eating... played a few rounds of 'zong ji me ma' and ate quite a lot of rubbish and that was about all we did for the evening... and of course there was the cutting cake and maybe watching some television... haha...:) The real highlight of the nite really came when all her relatives either went to sleep or went back home... :) Although Jian hui went back home too, which spoilt the occasion quite a bit but the rest of us stayed overnite to pei Marilyn...

ok... first we decided to go for a walk around Pasir Ris and we actually played with some sparklers... i dun really know why, but the sparklers seemed to be exceptionally beautiful that nite... i guess it was coz i never really took time to actually look closely and enjoy its short but precious existence... If u really look closely the next chance u get... try to experence its valor and strength... :) When we got back to the chalet, we were once again stuck with the question of wad we were going to do... haha... u see... the problem was that there were absolutely no games or activities for us to engage in and guess wad... we ended up chatting again... haha and this time it was all the way till morning...

Our group started with 6 people actually... Specificly being Gerald (Marilyn's BF) Marilyn, Debby, Bo Shen, Binz, and Me... and as the nite progressed we sort of started loosing out personel to the sleep bug... haha... First it was Gerald... Followed by Marilyn... Then Bo Shen and just 45 mins before we planned to leave... which was bout 5.30 i think, Binz fell asleep too... so the only remaining ones were Debby and me, who actually remained awake the whole nite... :) The actual object of 'highlight' was not the stayin of chatting but the topics of our chatting... we talked about out lives... our problems... how we were feeling and stuff like our individual perceptions of love... life... career... and our future dreams and asperations... we helped each other with our current problems and i just felt that we were really doing wad true friends do... and i really enjoyed it... it was nice, maybe coz i think we managed to help a friend with problems and of-course just chatting sometimes is really enjoyable... :)

As for my leg... i wore my brace to the chalet and virtually everywhere i went ;)... sometimes it felt rather pain but it was still managable and i could still take the pain... for now i will have to just rest more and wait for its full recovery... i was really overjoyed actually to be able to walk around again and for a longer distance... coz having been stuck in the confines of your home for 12 days... i guess everyone should know how i would feel ;)... Anyway its pain but its just a process and i can feel that its getting a little better so i can rest more peacefully ba... haha... will definately try to find more chances to get out of the house but the problem really lies in the company... haha coz most of my friends are always not free (working or army) but i will try my best to dig those that are free out! haha!

Till next time Again!

2004-05-25T19:25:00.000+08:00

Its Been ages since my last blog... actually i've been looking at the blog everyday actually... haha its coz i been trying to enhance my blog again... been fooling around with some java scripts and dynamic html...

im relatively satisfied with the job and if i really have time i will add more stuff... in any case im still stuck at home so i may as well do something like that... at least its like revising my html and stuff...

Its officially been 11 days since my op... and i am still stuck in my damn bandage... the worse thing is that the pain is still there... and since yesterday it so happened that something went wrong and my leg had another bone cracking experence... Crap! i also dunno y!... was just walking around normally... haiz now it feels funny and im afraid that the same thing will happen... now walk also no confidence... Ah! wads wrong with my damned leg! hmmm now can only wait for tomorrow and see wad happens... tomorrow will be going to remove my stitches... finally can see my knee loh... but now dunno if can still manage walking... well just have to see tomorrow... :)

nowadays its really boring sia... everyday facing the com and tv... really no life... plus no friends... just alone... alone... alone... days are getting meaningless... think i gotta find a way out of this hole... ... ...
i have really reached a point that its just a wait for the end... gotta find new meaning... more goals!... haiz... i used to think i was fine... now i find i was just blind...
Till again...

2004-05-21T14:22:00.000+08:00

hmmm its another week gone by and my leg is still in the damn bandage... initially one of the nurses told me that i would be able to remove it on the 19th (wednesday) but when i went back to see the doc... he told me that i needed to wait another week and that the nurse gave me wrong information. Now still stuck at home so i decided to make use of my time and revise on me html and etc... haha thats why i am enhancing my blog.

Added a few things... for example my special mouse animation... my tag board... new BoA pictures... a simple link to those pics and finally a newly changed video... haha its not 'SHINE WE ARE' any more... instead i put in another of BoA's MTVs... she sang with m-Flo and i think that its not bad!... its called 'THE LOVE BUG'... plus BoA really looks stunning in the Vid... i think that gals that dress like that... covering the neck and all really look special!... its something like, the gal doesn't need to wear spagetty strapes or too sexy clothes but instead she can just give an elegant look with a beautiful face and a great smile... and i think that that is really wad a beautiful gal is all about... not just boobs and figure!;)... So gals!... haha sometimes its good to cover up(e.g. long sleves or like in the vid) :)...

hmmm ok then back to my leg... next week will be going back to remove the stiches and see how my leg is... and after that i hope i can walk... k then...
Till next time!

2004-05-20T01:54:00.000+08:00

Ok... like i said... im adding pics of my current condition haha!...
Just look at my sorry state... Haiz... :)
Hope i get better soon!...

2004-05-18T01:17:00.000+08:00

Hmmm its monday night... or should i say tuesday early morning?... anyway its already the third day since my op and the 'resting' at home has really been boring... haiz... nothing much to do other than eat... play games... surf net... download songs... and rot... hmmm... actually this type of freedom wouldn't really be that bad, but the fact that i cannot move about freely really spoils the entire picture...

Haiz... i guess i have not been taking care of myself... i managed to somehow catch a cold and a cough and now i have a super running nose... its rather irritating... in the past, i would usually never even give these 'small sicknesses' any attention but now the damn nose forces me to go the the toilet often and its really a chore... hmmm... but i guess they will just disappear after a while...

Hmmm as for an update on the leg... its getting better now and the pain is less frequent now but any movement will still initiate a pain spell... hmmm... can't do much so i guess that i just gotta wait till i see the doc again on wednesday and ask him about the actual condition of my leg... haha... and its going to be the first time i see the knee and stiches since the op, so i guess that at least thats something to be excited about? hehe...

k then... gonna try to add some photos of the bandaged leg here k... will do it tomorrow... coz im really lazy now... ;) Good Nite!

2004-05-15T15:30:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... im back home after my Op... in the end i didnt actually get to see the entire operation... haiz... actually i was rather looking forward to it but it happened that my doctor got it wrong... coz, usually for young patients, they advise that we have general anaesthetic (GA) instead of Local anaesthetic (LA) and they explained that the only reason that they used LA was for the older generation as GA would make their body react violently... for example vommiting and etc... and worse... if i went through LA i would have to be hospitalised for about 2 days, so in the end the doctor asked me to have GA instead thus i followed the docs advise...

Now im back home trying to ignore the constant pain the damn leg is giving me... haiz... i am feeling really frustrated and i just can't stand the thought that i am back to clutches again... from initially when i could walk and even move around quite freely to now... back to where i was at the beginning... i really hope that this op was worth it and i hope that it gets well soon...

Crap... my leg is getting pain again... well... im gonna have some time at home now, so i guess i will go find some stuff to enhance my blog... maybe adding video... or another background?... hmmm just gotta wait and see... :)

2004-05-13T00:28:00.000+08:00

hey... im actually at home today... went to have a nice talk with my doctor this morning to ask him how my op will be... he gave me a much clearer picture of what would be happeneing and how the op will be conducted... hmmm... he also gave me a chance to choose if i want to be awake throughout the op or asleep and i choose to watch the entire process... which means that i will actually be able to look at the entire op... i wonder how it will feel?...

As for today, i was free once i finished the morning chat with the doc so i decided to go out and walk around while i still had the ability to... i may be out for like 2-6 weeks so better walk more now... so i went to suntec... and subsequently walked around TM at night before going home...

haiz... my CSM (Company Sergeant Major) also funny lah... still want me to go back camp tomorrow... so later have to wake up at 5am... crap sia... and then at night go home and await the op... i doubt i will be able to sleep at night also lah... sian...

anyway tired now... going to sleep loh... night...

2004-05-09T19:04:00.000+08:00

cowz... saturday was really crap sia... in the end i could only leave at about 5 plus... shit head!... actually it was coz one of the trainees suddenly got a bee sting and i had to make the arrangement for him to go to the medical centre... and that made me miss the 1330 bus and fastcraft... and the mist iffitating thing was that the next bus would only come at around 4 plus 5 thus i had to wait around wasting my time... really sian sia... that the vexing thing about working in tekong...

Haha! i have finally fixed up my new com and guess wad... hehe... i am using it now... hmmm its really great... XP and the new keyboard and mouse needs some getting used to but im sure it will not be a problem anyway... the new LCD... speakers... printer... wooozzz just too cool!

Yesterday night as soon as i booked out, i rushed to collect my mom's cake from Bengawang Solo... and subsequently went to meet Eileen and Lionel... we were supposed to meet up for ktv and were already really late... the package was supposed to start at 6 to 10 but we were still in Tampines and the time was already 6.10... and i still had to go put the cake in my aunty's place because the plan was to surprise my mom this morning. At that time i was really rather irritated because i had already spent most of my precious saturday rotting in camp and now it has even caused me to be late for my programs with my friends...cockanaden!... ok so we flaged a taxi and rushed down to HOLIDAY HOME... but in the end the stupid taxi driver took a wrong turn and we had to go through the road along the esplanade and one fulleton to get there... ok just that was fine... but guess wad!... that damn road just happened to be closed yesterday!... they were having some kind of show and had to block up the entire bridge... oh and btw the show ended with fireworks... (hmmm i know coz we managed to catch the fireworks in the taxi... the sound woke me up.. hehe i was sleeping most of the way...damn shaq) so we had to make a detour and go another way... dammit! we finally managed to reach and meet up with Charmaine, Shi Jia and Shi Ping and i forced myself to have a much deserved good time... otherwise i would really go bonkers...

After our ktv session we decided to go for supper and that was when we had the so called highlight of the evening... haha... we realised that Shi Ping was driving a manual car (her BF's) and i just had to try it out... and guess wad... i still had no problem controlling it... haha... it was fun... we then drove to get some cheese plata near NUS before heading home...

At least i can say that i did'nt waste my weekend this week but i will be heading back to camp tonight and will be tell the news about my op to my OC (officer Commanding) and CSM (Company Sergeant Major) tomorrow... hope that everything goes well... initially i was contemplating on whether the op would be really good for me and was actually thinking of cancelling it, but after seeking some second opinions and having a good chat with my aunty who just happens to be a senior nurse, i think that i will still go ahead with the OP...

I had another shock yesterday when i realised that Bin Wen has been suffering from a serious throat infection since last week... and i believe that it was inherited as his brother and mother both has the same illness... and his brother even went for an op... hmmm... i dun know why he didn't inform me but maybe he didn't want to add to my problems... i seriously hope that nothing happends to him and that he heals well... i know this sounds weird but if its destined that he should feel unwell then please just let it happen to me instead, i doubt it will affect me much and its better if my friends remain healty.

Till next time then...

2004-05-07T08:40:00.000+08:00

Good morning... its another day and the countdown to my op has started... the official no. of days i have left is now 7... just a week away...

Worries aside... yeah! today is friday... but the problem is that i will still have to work tomorrow... haiz... and the official time that the day ends is 1600 leh! AH! crap... haha but the silver lining is that i may just get to leave early once i finish my work... which may be around 1200? haha hopefully!

Will be assembling my new computer tomorrow... i have long wanted to try my hand at it and i am finally gonna get a chance... since i now dun really have anyone to care for or spend my time on... i thought i should start giving myself some more time... and learn some new stuff... i have already ordered all the high end parts and will be doing the procedure tomorrow... hope i can get it right...

the weekend has not really been planned out yet but Jian Hui (Sec school friend) just messaged me to ask for some majong kakis... hmmm... maybe we might just do that... and the guys were hoping to go ktv this weekend too so thats another option... :)

hmmm i think that i am gonna be really lonely after my op... hmmm coz my friends that were there for me when i needed them would all be really busy... Bin Wen will be as usual stuck in camp... with Lionel and Jian Hui... Eileen will be going to Brunei and Charmaine is travelliing too... hmmm just great again... its rather like this year was made to just poke fun at my life... or to wake me up and make me ask wad i am doing in my life... i just wonder if its something i did in my past life or something... hmmm... i dun remember doing anything really bad or against my conscience in this life?... hmmm... must be the last life then?...

well... i will be counting down then... and i am still hoping some aspect will pick up and improve soon...

2004-05-05T18:18:00.000+08:00

just great... my 'lucky' year just got better... i went for my medical appointment today and was expecting good news from my doc... but in accordance to my luck this year... i naturally got the opposite... i will have to go for a scope (day operation) on my knee next friday... and may be out for 2 to 6 weeks again... and i will have to go back to clutches and my brace... hmmm...and worse, more physiotherapy...

i really have mixed feelings now because of this... and this post was just to post up my medical results... thats all...

2004-05-04T09:48:00.000+08:00

Haiz.. today is the 4th of may... and i have managed to sneak some free time again to come to the mess to use the com... my home computer's monitor is down and i can't use it... so that explains y i haven't blogged for such a long time...
I was contemplating alone again last night and the happy images of the past have overwhelmed me again... Just thinking back on the last half year and the beggining of 2004 would be enough to give me the shivers... Just image... u are about to enlist into army and just when u really needed the moral support, care and concern, your girlfriend for 3 years (in which we both did almost everything together) leaves u for another... and subsequently u keep getting pushed by your parents and 'yourself' to help talk to your brother whom has been worsening in attitude recently, hanging out with rather 'unknown' and rude friends and is soon about to take is o'levels and go on to JC... and just at that time something worse happens to u... u tear your right knee ligament, tear your meniscus and crack a bone all on one knee... which renders u unable to walk for one and a half months and thus resulting in u going out-of-course in SISPEC... and then u get news from your doctor that u will take a long time to recover... which means that u are downgraded in pes status and will have to serve army for the next two years doing crap work... and futher more... u suddenly get news from your mom that she has to go for a fribrod operation... which adds to your stress... and WAIT... thats not all... your father's business is having problems and u are trying your best to help him in wad ever way u can... and lastly... u get posted to a stay-in vocation in pulau tekong where if there was an emergency... u would not be able to leave... and more stress is piled on you...
Worse is that i am still missing HER and i just cannot forget her... i have tried turning to friends for help and music and am even thinking of joining some weekend classes just to occupy me, but i think that in the end... it still depends on me...

HAIZ! wish myself luck and all the best... and btw... i will be going for my medical checkup tomorrow... i gotta inform my doc about how my leg hurts while walking and my sudden knee locks and morning strains... hmmm... hopefully something goes well in my life soon else i will seriously go gaga... hmmm... thats all... i guess i just needed to write everything out just to relieve my feelings...

Till next time...

2004-04-30T16:54:00.000+08:00

hehehe... hmmm well the days are still going well and i am starting to get used to the environment here but still... hmmm nvm...
well i AM happy today! coz im booking out... haha for the weekend! its another holiday tomorrow so we are able to get out early... haven't really made any plans for tonite so later go out then say lah...
today nothing much happened also lah... work was not very hectic and time was also rather easy to pass but i believe that i am going to have to expect more in the comming days.. haha... u know wad... i am actually also the chief clerk in the company... ;) haha bascially because i am the ONLY clerk there... hmmm everything also ask me to do sia... haha... the rumur in foxtrot is that actually the Officer Commanding is really F-ed up but until now he still seems ok lah... hopefully it remains that way... hmmm

Back to my feelings... actually recently i've also been feeling better lah... i try my best not to think of anything and the workload helps a lot in this expect but wad really sucks is the time i have to get back to my bunk and lie there thinking about stuff and well when the thinking starts the hurting begins... i think it has already been really long since... but i am too logical a person to just simply take it for wad it is... haiz... i just keep thinking bout it, searching and digging to find a good explaination and i believe that thats why its still there... hmmm - MR time! yo! hello... can u please heal my wounds soon! ;) ... k then thats all for now!

tata till next time!

2004-04-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

haiz... got posting already.... SIAN!!!!! still remain in sispec hmmm... i actually got a post as an Admin Support Assistant (ASA)... basically kinda like a clerk at the Company line in sispec... at Foxtrot company... haiz... that means that i gotta face those officers and sergents and recruits all over again... but still... its also good lah coz its near my house but i will still hate the book in book out thingy... haha... hmmm... only problem is that it is supposed to be a stay in vocation... but according to the fates of the last two ASA's they were soon allowed to stay out everyday lohz... sooo hope that my chance comes soon loh...
Its also kinda like a downgrade lah coz in the mess there was so much freedom and still had internet access but still thats the army for u lahz... just gotta live with it!...
hehe...Actually im sitting back in the mess now also lah... haha... coz Froxtrot company today going for live firing and everybody is not around at the company... so i just walked over here to say hi to everyone and obviously to use the internet... haha... hmmm thats bout all loh... now still learning the ropes there now just gotta see how things goes again... hmmm... k then... buaiz.

2004-04-27T00:33:00.000+08:00

helloz! helloz! helloz! it my last nite in the mess... and we are going to P A R T Y!!!! haha... the guys are planning to ktv through the nite and drown ourselves in beer and stout... haha... think im gonna be really messed up tomorrow... woooooo hoooooo... anyway i may as well enjoy myself whilst i can here... who knows wad shit i might kana tomorrow... anyway the nite is still young and i gotta go sing already!... post ya again tomorrow! GOOD LUCK TO MYSELF!!!
Nitezzz!

2004-04-25T14:24:00.000+08:00

WoW... its been days since i last posted a blog... haha... actually its coz its the weekend again and since i will be getting my posting next week... i really want to enjoy the last few days... haha
Yahooz! i finally found a free server for my pics and have started posting then up... it took quite long but now that its done i feel much better... haha... now the only problem is finding the correct pics to upload... coz i seldom take pictures also lahz... always the one that takes the photos for others so no body take for me... haha ;)

hmmm... actually also haven't been doing much these few days loh... been spending time adding changes to my blog template and hanging out with friends... haha...
Something funny happened on Friday also haha... i booked out in the afternoon mahz... and i was planning to take a cab home so decided to 'tongpang' my friend to Tampines interchange... we were casually chatting and then i told him my birthday and guess wat... haha he was born on the same day as me... hehe... coincidence huh! he is exactly one year older than me haha... we were like both stunned in the taxi loh... haha... the scene was rather funny lah... hmmmz... but after tues i won't be seeing him and the other at the mess aleady loh... haiz...just wait to see wad is my fate... :-)

That friday night... Lionel, Eileen, Charmaine and me all did something rather stupid... haha... Initially... Lionel, Eileen and me were roaming around in Tampines Mall(TM) without any objective or destination... and in the evening we arranged for Charmaine to drive over to fetch us so we could head somewhere... further... haha... but after we got into the car... all of us could not come up with any ideas as to where we could or should go... cowz... and in the end... after driving around tampines for like 15 mins we ended up going to Charmaine's house (which is only a 5 mins walk away from TM) to play majong... haha... soooo damn lame... haiz... the things that bored people do sia... haha

Hmmmm the worst thing is that i have been having the runs since firday morning... it really sucks loh... plus i vommited the whole night on friday loz... haiz... my friends say that i got stomach flu but i also dunno leh... did not feel well the whole of sat and even now still feeling a little shaken... haiz... its really terrible not to have someone to help look after u when u are sick but i just gotta get used to it... hmmmzzz i guess its also going to be a long time before there will be someone there for me too hmmm...

opps... i just realised that my com memory is going to blow already... gotta go buy some mem... i think i will be going down to SIM LIM later for some shopping... maybe get a new harddisk... hmmm... yup... that would be good :-)

K then... till my next post...!

2004-04-22T17:28:00.000+08:00

WHA COZ.... shit sia... just heard some rumurs that i gonna kana posted to JURONG! ahhhh!!! sianz sia... crap sia its just like my worst nightmare come true... dammit... :|
hmmm... hope that the rumurs are not that accurate larz or if i really get there hor... at least let me have an 8 - 5 job larz... wha coz... ;) or else if kana there and stay in somemore... haha i will go crazy till *high* ah!!!... hmmm like as if feeling so lonely is not enough... now still must like that... hmmm... i really think that i better go and pai pai already... give some offerings better... or else this year is really gonna be a bad year sia... hmmm... but i think also nvm larz... look on the bright side... if i really get posted there at least i would get to know the west side of Singapore a little better loh... haha! kk then now all i can do is wait for the verdict to come out... must see wad happens on tuesday... wish me luck!

2004-04-22T10:14:00.000+08:00

hey hey hey... im back in SISPEC Mess today... booked in early in the morning to do the opening and attend morning parade...

Yesterday went for my physio... and the physio actually told me that i could slowly get back to sports already!!! huh!!! but i still feel that my leg like not that good yet leh... haiz... now end up like i feeling both happy (coz got good news - can run loh!!!) and sad (coz i dun feel that confident yet...) hmmm rather contradicting rite... haha... but never the less... at least there's improvement in the leg... hopefully when i go see my specialist the next time i will be able to get some good news... ;)

Sucks man... yesterday heard from my friend here that my posting is comming next tuesday already... ahhh!!! y soooo fast.. ;) haha... coz i really like it here loh... everyday nothing to do... plus can go online... surf.... watch VCD... play pool... ai yahz... but soon this type of good life is going to be over... sian sia... can't believe it... next tuesday leh! hope that i get a 8 - 5 posting then at least not sooo bad... the worst case senario would be to kana posted to be a storeman loh... wha... stay in... plus have to be responsible for all the stores... etc... will really sian to death sia... haha... but i also no choice lah... now must depend on luck already... hope that things will turn our ok... haha... when i get my posting i sure log another post to either complain or rejoyce haha... :-)

Actually i think i should go for some kind of classes during the weekends just to learn something new... i think its just a process of forever learning and enriching oneself :)... not sure if i can get any of my friends to join me... hehe... but first i gotta go do some 'research' on wad i should do... haha... i am already looking at courses in music like Drum or Piano... and stuff like yoga or hip hop or kick boxing... i had initially thought bout a Guitar course to help me improve but my friend say that since i already know how to play, i should learn something else instead... and i think that wad she say is also rite lah... haha... i will look into them when i'm free and decide if i should go ahead with it... :-) lohz

hmmm... i been thinking of adding pictures to my blog but am not very sure of how i should do it... haha... gotta go online and do some research... i think the process is to get a picture free server online and subsequently link the pictures over here... hmmm... sounds easy enough but i still gotta get the codes to do that... hmmm .... hopefully i will soon be able to add some photos to liven up my blog... haha... *A Picture Paints a Thousand words!* k then... going to surf the net and learn how to post pics already... haha... post again soon! @_@ ^_^

2004-04-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

hmmm... today quite ok lahz... at least can booked out at bout 12 plus and reach home at bout one... haha.. initially thought of going out to look for some friends but after sms-ing them, i realised that like all my friends also not free... cowz... so just stay at home and rot till now loh... haha... actually i rested for a while lah... i think i really needed the rest also loh... otherwise i will soon faint... haha... coz the last four days were really hectic and i didn't really sleep much somemore... just cant really sleep well lah...

Let me just count back hmmm... sat night went out with Lionel and Jamie to go airport study loh... and morning still go Holland V for breakfast... by the time i reached home it was already 9... hmmm then i think i slept till bout 2 in the afternoon... so that clocks in bout 5 hours... then sun night also couldn't get to sleep... lie there so long and stare at the celiing... untill i so sian till decided to go online for a while but then ended up chatting with my friend about her problems on MSN till bout 3 plus... haha and after 2 hours... had to wake up and book in to camp loh... so that adds up to 7 hours in two days liao... haiz... then yesterday... work from 7 till 12 then finally slept at 2... and today wake at 7.. haha something wrong sia... so altogether it becomes 5 + 2 + 5 = 12 hours in three days... going to kua already la... tomorrow still have physio theraphy somemore...haha tonight better sleep early sia... hmmm

Today feeling a little better coz i am outside already loh... finally got my guitar... cds... DVDs... friends and etc for company... hope that i tonight will be soooo tired that i can just get to sleep ... haha... thats all lah... going to eat dinner loh... tomorrow then log another post lah... Buaiz

Some Of the Nite-Out Pics Below!

2004-04-20T00:49:00.000+08:00

hmmm... now quite late lohz... still in the mess... the others have already gone back to the bunk... just thought of checking my mails and stuff before i check back to bed... in any case... i go back so early also will end up just lying there staring at the ceiling... ;)...

Tonight was quite busy sia... but we were still able to handle the crowd lah... haha... and i experenced something rather ridiculous lohx... hehe... i ended up trying to detatch individual pieces of uncooked chicken chop from their whole chunk of frozen material... haha... actually it was like manual thawing haha but with brute force... all of the pieces were stuck together and the entire chunk of meat looked like a large tire... haha... i have never seen such a large piece of chicken meat EVER!... haha ;)... we even joked in the kitchen that we could cook the whole thing at one go and make like the world's largest chicken chop haha... and to add to the problems... the orders for C.CHOP kept comming in lehz... haha... and the damn thing was sooooo stiff that we could'nt even get one piece out sia... haha... in the end i stood there massaging; pulling; pressing; etc the damn chunk till my hands went super numb coz of the cold loh... cowz... i could'nt even feel my own hands after that... but at least we managed to 'deliver' our orders in the end lah...

Actually i am still feeling irritated and sad... as usual haiz... and i know the all the work is really helping me to forget my worries... because once i stop or slow down, the images just keep appearing and thoughts just keep popping up... sometimes i just can't endure the feelings that constantly overwhelm me... I know that its been long already and i know that its bout time i just stop all my 'saddness' but its not something that i can just turn off as and when i want to... i guess i am still human and this is wad it feels like to be really hurt... i know deep down that i have troubled my friends over my problems for a long time already and i am trying not to get them involved in my problems again... i just have to spend my time doing other stuff and hope that one day i will wake up from this ever ongoing nightmare and look out the window to a new blue day with a clear blue sky... new hopes... new challenges... and a renewed life... :)

K then ... think i am going to head back to the bunk... take a bath and try to sleep lohz... tomorrow still doing morning shift... gotta wake at 7... just to open this place (and waste time)... hmmm maybe tomorrow i will write more about the life here... haha... just to keep my mind off things... :0) GOOD NITE!!! Going to sleepz lohz.... ZZZZzzzzz

2004-04-19T10:25:00.000+08:00

Today i start my first Blog... actually its coz im still stuck in the SISPEC Mess and by some super lucky turn of events, we now have internet access here! HAHA! THats why i decided that i may as well do one of these to help me spend my time... hmmm
Actually just thinking bout it... its quite a good life to be serving ARMY in this place... free the whole afternoon... free to watch TV and VCDs... book out every now and then... and now even got internet sia... and my IC keep asking me to surf PORN! haha... friends here all fun and corrupted lah... but thats wad makes life more amusing hehe...
Still thinking about my unlucky Year and the f**ked up stuff that have happened but i guess thats just life for u... haiz... deal with it... live with it and carry on! ok then thats all for now... will write again! BUAIzzz