Death
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Recieved news last thursday that i also managed to get into NUS, felt really happy that day but yet had a certain weird fell coz now i had to choose between SMU and NUS.
In the end, after talking to several people and friends about it i think that SMU would be a better choice, which means that i will have to disrupt soon...
I've been trying to contact this 'Melissa' from SMU's Admissions office but i keep getting her voice recording system. Heng, i finally managed to get her on the phone yesterday, i explained my situation to her and informed her that i needed a letter and some information regarding the course and she promptly replied that she would be sending the letter and an email to me A.s.a.p.
therefore all i can do now is wait and hope. (BUT! till now still no email...)
Sunday went to Sentosa again, with Lionel AGAIN... , but at least this time had the company of 4 other 'babes' Shi Jia, Shi Ping, Michelle, and Qinna, in their Bikinis, flaunting their assets. Sight for sore eyes!. Was rather disappointed that Koo Binz couldn't make it but wad to do, we were already there liao... Anyway, this trip was rather different from other instances as i was more in the relaxed mood that day,other than some soccer, volleyball and swimming, i spent most of the time relaxing in the sun, swinging on the hammock, and listening to music. But never the less, i had a great time. After that we went for KTV, all of us were virtually freezing in the room coz we were in shorts and t-shirts, but bo bian, Shenton KTV runs on a central aircon system so just had to stay 'cool' loh. Only managed to get 4 jackets from the personnel there and of course those went to the gals. Later on, Lionel had to leave early to book-in so i followed him to share cab home.
Recently starting to feel the lonely bug again... weird... macham period like that, come and go and come and go and come... And each time it comes, u feel like shit.
The guys are planning a Trip to RAWAS island, but im still on the fence on whether i should go, Charmaine has QQ (one room), Bin and Eileen(Another), Jamie and Friend(Another), Lionel still pending so might just end up me alone... Just Great! Plus in the night, if they all have their own romantic walks and stuff, then i super sian liao... just great sia... Plus i already said that i will pei them one so i dun like to go back on my word. Brain Q...
If only got a nice, pretty, friendly, beautiful, cute, funny and kind gal follow me go can liao, But most prob only in my dreams ba, kk just joking, doubt that thats ever gonna happen...
Maybe i should just take leave to visit Andy in Australla, can see the world and might even enjoy myself! But thats just a thought for now.
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Its Sunday night and my period of 'LULL' is over, starting from tomorrow its back to hectic work and endless boredom...(till ORD) haha but always gotta look at the bright side of stuff ya? so staying happy would be in my list.
Bought a new IPOD Photo last week at the IT fair, and at the same time also bought an IPOD Mini for my bro... All together, it was rather 'painful'! - monetary wise. The Photo cost bout $618 and Mini about $438, just threw $1000 plus away in one day. PAin sia! still haven't felt this kind of pain before so that day was a first for me.
Actually i was only able to bring myself to spend the amount as my account balance was gradually going up ba... its easier to save without a GF and well, spending on myself is seriously very minimal, In addition, i have a few 'Investments' and 'Debtors' so i believe that i'm still well to do for now. Otherwise, it would seriously require a gun at my head to make me use that kind of cash man...
I also went for my SMU Interview on thursday and i believe that i managed to ACE it, but the results are yet to be seen, so i'm not getting too over confident for now.
Anyway its late and i need to wake at 5am later so im ending now and will elaborate more on the interview and today's SMU talk another time.
Just to add, it was nice seeing an old friend today and i kinda realised that some things seem to never change as much as we will try. Many a times, controlling certain feelings; thoughts; events or instances are not up to us while nature gradually and surely takes its due course in life.
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Last week was rather interesting... haha rather happening stuff.... kk
Num One:
Wednesday Nite... Koo Binz, Lionel and me had the plan to go down Zouk as lionel's friends have been pestering him to join them so thats basically wad we decided on (Or Planned) since Lionel was leaving for Taiwan on Sat....
Initially, the plan was for us to just take a taxi coz i wanted to drink mah, plus the fact that i am the only one OFFICIALLY able to drive so i told them that we should take a taxi instead. But... But... but... after some persuasion, kana pyscho-ed to drive so kk drive then drive loh :). But when one's down i guess everything follows, we had the most impeccable luck!!!
Just as the car was turning into the filter out of PIE to CTE, we started hearing some kind of weird clicking noise comming from the front of the car... and as the music was blasting in the car, one can imagine how loud the clicking noise was... Something was definatelly wrong, so Lionel wined down the window and my god! the damn sound was crazy! haha PHUK PHUK PHUK...!!! And in an instant, i lost all power, the car's engine went off, and all i was able to do was control the gliding to the side of the lane. The hazard lights were on and i managed to stop the car at the side of the express way... Just great! there we were, 3 of us dressed to Cheong ending up with a broken down car. (Some may just link this to the fact that my dad's new car will be coming in a week so maybe the old one just gotta show some tantrum before its final walk... But why the hell on me? in fact, it actually broke down once already on my dad a few weeks ago haha...) We got out of the car and opened the currently smoking bonnet, laughing through the entire process... :) it was rather funny how all the events transpired so i just could not contain my laughter at that time(sounds crazy huh!). Anyway we realised that we were stopped in a really dangerous place as it was just after a bend comming from the PIE (a rather blind spot) so we had to at least move the car further up, i tried starting the car up again and for that instant i managed to start, but i was unable to accelerate, thus i just had to call upon the strengths of my two strong... powerful... muscular... friends to do some pushing, haha!!! Clicking into neutral gear, the pushing started and we managed to achieve our purpose, ending up in a much safer area.
Eariler i had already called my dad and he managed to contact my uncle to get a ride down. It was better to have more experienced people around. Having nothing else to do, the 3 of us just sat at the side of the road and watched the cars go by, realising that we were loosing the mood to cheong.
In the end, the older generation was also unable to re-start the car so we still had to resort to calling the towing service. After the car was safely towed away, we all loaded into my uncle's car and agreed to just head back to tampines for makan.
We went to S11 and had a few drinks and after looking around, established that the food there was crap so we headed to the 7-11 near my place instead. We then ended up eating microwaved stuff and having drinks from there, sitting outside and talking cock till bout 2 plus 3. In the end, the guys stayed over at my place till the next day, thursday! - Which also holds another interesting story! haha.
Num Two:
Back home! Slept till afternoon and the guys have left already, and I’m online watching my Naruto and chatting with friends. Saw Marilyn online and asked if she wanted to meet up tonite, and decided on pool session. Next came SMS messages from Debby asking for ppl to go down Dbl O with her. Since I was free then go loh! Haha so the plan was settled, pool at bout 8 plus and Dbl O as bout 10 plus. But the more important part is yet to come :) haha!
That night at double O I met an Angel, she was radiating beauty in every sense of the word and dancing with grace and splendor, the magnificence of her exquisiteness was incomparable, to the extend that it seemed like she was the only one on the dance floor. She was different from the others, dancing such that it required attention yet promptly refused it and poised & elegant instead of sluttish like many others, phew! An eighth wonder of the world! Try as I might I just could not keep my eyes of her.
The only problem at that time was that she was already dancing with someone else.. :( rather sian, so being the type of person I am, I didn’t think I could interrupt them. But my eyes were still uncontrollably locked on her. In any case Debby, her friends, Lionel, and me danced the night away, drinking and getting really high, enjoying ourselves! Till about 30 mins from the end of the night (3am), I noticed that my angel was dancing alone!?! Hmmm… weird to a certain extent, so I decided to approach. It was only till nearing the end that I managed to dance a while with her and conversed with her… we exchanged names and I asked for her no. , which disappointingly she could not give stating that she was attached, and neither could she take mine as she didn’t have her phone and stuff with her. So instead I asked if we could be friends instead which rendered a more pleasurable reply. Her name was Ezann and I only now realized that she is the Media Corp artiste Ezann Lee, haha guess there goes my chances huh!, but still it was a good experience. Maybe I’ll look for her on friendster and see whether we can be friends, guess that would already be enough for me :)
And that all for now, Lionel will be leaving tonight so here's wishing him all the best fro his taiwan trip! hope that everything goes well for him! All the best Bon Voyage!
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haha... siao liao lah... my blog is as good as going extinct liao lah... Been 1 month since i bloged already... haha hmmm maybe i should make more of an effort to write some stuff in my blog...
Anyway, i was confined in camp last weekend coz the whole company having exercise, hmmm had to mend comms and act as Vehicle Commander, basically just a waste of time - as almost all of the SAF's activities. hmmm just can't wait till it all finally ends.
Friday went to sentosa again... The initial plan was suggested by Charmaine coz she was going down to the beach with her COLT CAR CLUB members so she asked us to tag along, so thats wad we did. At first, Marilyn was supposed to join us, but as usual, she 'fang fei ji' in the morning with the excuse that she was tired... haiz... too used to being pang sae liao..., anyway, that trip proved to be my worst ever 'Sentosa experence'!...
The story goes like that - Initially, i thought that my foot rot had already healed coz i could walk around as per normal and it was obviously not giving me any problems. So i happily made my way onto the HOT & SHARP sand and started playing a volleyball match and well, it should seem rather obvious wad happened next. The sand scratched my skin till it was bout 3 layers in, and both soles started to hurt like crap again!!! SHIT!!! I couldn't even walk properly(especially with sand all over!). Next i thought that well, maybe i should try soaking the leg in sea water, so thats wad i did... and once i got in ... !!! PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN!!!!! excruciating ridiculous pain! haha after that, i virtually had to crawl back to our mats.... Crap SIA! Ended up just lying there for a while for a tan and then decided to go back early... just a shit day sia.
Sat - Leg was feeling better already, still hurting a little, but dun care just had to go out and buy some new year clothes... plus the guys had already planned to sing KTV at night so might as well go out earlier to do some shopping rite. So went down to Heeren and ended up getting a pair of jeans, a shirt and a t-shirt, which totalled about $150!!! ex sia... but thats not the main thing. The problem of the day came to be my utter disappointment when once again i kana 'fang fei ji'... Charmaine say she too tired after sentosa and have sun burn so cannot go, then ask Eileen and Binzz both no reply my SMSes, so in the end dun go KTV liao... Haiz, ever since Charm got new BF and E & B got together life like sian sian like that. Always kana pang sae and end up with lionel alone... until he like really become my gf liao... can't stand it liao lah, must go find some activities for myself... Get to know more ppl and go do some stuff...
I dun really trust the sites like friendster and etc so also dunno how but by hook or by crook gotta plan activites liao, even if its without my 'buddies'. so jia you jia you loh! ;)
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Hmmm, phew!!! ok, finally back from Korea, wonderful trip! haha, had lost of fun and new experences, but now no time to say anything much about the details. Hmmm... guess will be trying to get the pics online if possible and adding the link here ba.
Time passes rather fast, the end of 2004 is already approaching and lots of stuff to do, so guess i will just 'shot' little short messages like this one every time i can ba. k then thats all...
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Oh My GOD! haha last blog was 10th Oct in Taiwan, and now its the 24th Nov, wha cowz, its been near 50 days liao... haha was really busy in taiwan and the week after i came back and after that, was spending lots of time catching up with friends and was actually just plain lazy to sit down and start blogging again. Now that i have a little more time and my company is having lull period, i can now sit down and do some blogging. Hmmm, lets start with some catching up from my training period, just gonna shoot some short briefs that i kept on my phone, so as not to give too long boring stuff.
14th Oct 2004...
Last night had drinks again with friends, the gao liang was strong but still ok lah... During the day damn busy, but along the way came across the opportunity to get out of camp to buy some stuff. HAha Finally got to get out of the camp to see how things are in the Taiwan Villages... Recieved information that i will also be going outfield with the trainees for their training, lasting for bout 9 days... In the nite attended meeting with all the Warant Officers, damn stress coz all the big shots were there, helped them plan the attack route, defence situations and advance routes. Still unsure about how the next 9 days will go.
15th Oct 2004...
Shit! Having a splitting headache, plus realised that my foot rot getting worse so i just put a plaster on the wound... The entire morning was just plain busy and hectic non-stop coz everyone was preparing for the 9-day exercise... Confirm will be going along too... now even worse, my head is tearing me apart! ah! help! Plus haven't even left the camp yet... Afternoon went out field loh, and helped set up a tentage for the first time, interesting!... Oh yar, and we experenced a mini earth quake today too, felt weird for the first time, haha people were thinking that there were others shaking the beds and shouting for them to stop, haha!... Although i was not really feeling well, my CQ was feeling even worse and had to rest so i took over his job and did the delivery of fresh ration and the break-fast.... Head is getting worse...
16th Oct 2004
Ah! Cannot Tahan already... Headache like siao... Everytime i swallow anything even saliver also pain... Ache straight to the brain!... Throat is all swollen and i can't move my head around too much as it causes a nerve ache... Just too two paracetamol tabs, hope that they will help... Something wrong! Unlucky like crazy!
17th Oct 2004
ATT C - Means on MC, virtually slept in camp for the whole day, didn't even eat. CAn't move and feeling like crap.
18th Oct 2004
ATT C again, but morning was too hungry to carry on sleeping so had to slowly make my way down to the canteen to get some food... There was no one else around in camp so it was as bad as that even if i had died my corspe would really be rotting there before enyone noticed...
19th to 25th Oct 2004
Slowly recovered from my sickness and got back to work for the 9 day ex... spent some days staying out and in base camp. Helping in stuff and etc, won't go into the boring details except that the senery was spectacular!
26th to 29th Oct
The four days of R&R haha!!! finally the fun is here. The only disappointment was that the first day of our R&R was spent staying in our camp and there was even talk that all the four days might be cut, the reason being the Tornado warning for Tai Pei. But Fortunately we still managed to set off on the second day - Yeah!. To summarize, we basically spent the 2nd and 3rd days Going with a tour group in the afternoon to places of interest and the night shopping at Si men ding and Shi ling Ye She, both famous places for shopping in Tai Pei, similar to our Orchard Rd and Bugis Street ba, ... the entire last day was spent shopping too till bout 4 plus in the afternoon before we all gathered back to the hotel to make our way to the Airport. The experence taught me many things of which bargining would be a major one, haha, i was actually walking around shopping with 4 other malays and 1 indian so i was basically the only interpretator, actually managed to help them settle many deals :-)
Ok then!, thats bout all i can say bout the trip. Hmmm, but actually there were lots of other smaller events that happened in between and i could really write loads about the places of interest and shopping experences but i just summarised much of it. Plus i also tired liao lah, k then till next time.
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hey hey hey!... guess wad!, i'am actually blogging from Tai Zong now, haha!... Its actually my FIFTH day here and i finally have time to access the internet over here. The actual connection setup is actually only located opposite my block in a small room they named the 'Computer Room'. but i have really had no time at all to even sneak a short trip over, except for the first day when we were allowed to 'tour' the place (to familiarize us with our surroundings) and obviously NOW!(Or else how to blog :) )
The actual way that they operate is rather innovative. What they have done is to actually connect a 'box' with a coin slot to the computer. The machine (box) operates with a counter, so all u need to do is just slot in a 10NT (bout S$0.50) coin and the screen comes up from a hibernation state and the counter starts counting down your 30mins. Quite cool if u ask me, absolutely automated and ridiculously cheap, not bad at all. Hmmm, should bring the concept back to Singapore.
Although i have not had the time, i have managed to do my own 'Diary', so i'm like, gonna just slowly dump my diary logs in as and when i can get to come over here to use the net. Plus, the 'Computer Room' only opens during the evenings and that's the time when everyone comes back and i have more work to process so its hard for me to get away, but at least its good that i'm, finally able to blog this now... :)
10th October - Monday - 4th day in Taiwan
Its my fourth day here already and i guess its time to just say more about my time here. The last few days have been really hectic for me as i had to prepare all admin related material (and even other matters that really should not involve me but 'Bo Bian, Lan Lan, Live with it loh'). To the extent that i even had to assist my CQ to do some stuff. Also, stuff like drawing paper, drafting / printing new documents (that could have been done while i was in Singapore but the numb-skulls over there had not planned the stuff yet...) Unloading of OPs boxes, Store paperwork settlements, drawing of converters & transformers, liasing with the HQ personnel over here, allocating rooms to the trainees, briefing the trainees, ensuring that every single person is around, ensuring that every single person's luggage arrives, and of course my own personnal bunk and clothing stuff. Not to mention stuff like daily parade state, daily company roll order (CRO), troops movement charts and all admin instructions (AI) for all exercises... Phew!... and i believe that it will not end there, more work is expected for the next few days, until the company leaves for outfield training.
Today rather tired after all the rushing from the last few days so i shall only write till here, gotta get some shut eye and prepare for tomorrow... For now still full of work and stuff to do so the 'Missing' still not kicking in ba... so for now still ok :)
k then Nite!
Your name here!
Phew... seems like an eternity since my last post. Im just back home from ktv with the guys. These few weeks have really been rather weird for me. In a way i just cant shake off this dreading feeling of moodyness and uncontrollable urges to just let everything out and shout or punch a wall etc.
There has been lots of changes happening around me and i am only just beginning to catch up with all the reality. Charmaine has found a new bf, and i'm really happy for her, yet in a way i just can't help feeling sorry for Aaron (Her ex) cause of the similarity between how we were put down. Although i can't say that Aaron was really good to her in the first place but i still think that Charm didn't really handle it well at all. In anycase, its all over and the most important thing now is that she is happy. And from wad i can see, she is :-)
Next comes My dearest 'Sis' Miss Eileen... She has now also officially found herself a bf too. Guess who that is?... It none other that my dear 'bro' Mr Koo Bin Wen... haha, so i guess that all my close friends are all finally finding their happiness one by one. Guess who's still lonely and alone? haha... Dun get me wrong, Sure im overjoyed and happy for them but it hurts everytime i see them being so Xin Fu and Mei Man, and so in a way im kinda like avoiding them unless its really a need to meet them (like just now coz i felt i had to see them before i leave). Granted that i miss them but i dun want to be a bore or a light bulb and since being around makes me feel a little weird, i guess its for the best, at least for now. Anyway they are all enjoying their honeymoon periods so i guess it really matters not whether or not i meet them.
Other that that i'm coming to realize that there are certain things in life that just cannot change no matter how much u may wish to try to change them and so reality is only now setting in. Sometimes i just think on stuff and get this overwhelming feeling of low and high emotions, some that make me laugh and others that may even bring mosture to my lids and yet i know i'm indulging in my past and ignoring the more important future. But at this point, i just cannot see any type of clear future for me... Guess its time to start planning my own future... But Efforts dun pay off and results dun encourage but i gotta just hang on... coz life goes on, yup, the dreaded line again... Life Goes On...
I will be flying off on Thursday morning at bout 2am... Going to Taiwan With ARMY... The worst thing is that i have this really funny undescribe-able feeling that is seemingly making me lean towards a certain unknowing bad outcome from the trip. I have told some ppl about this feeling but only some, coz i know its no point letting others worry too much, and i am sure its just another weird feeling emitting from somewhere inside me. I know that i will be back safe and sound and hopefully happy and at peace. But just in case, i had planned to make sure i see all those i care for in my life at least once before i leave. And till now i have completed the most part of them, with only a few left. Well if it is to be that i won't be able to see them then so be it, just too bad.
Hmmmzzz... reaching the point where i have nothing to say again... maybe just to mention some of the more interesting stuff that happened to me... I fell sick last week in camp and felt rather lousy. The worst thing is that nobody knew, and i was sleeping all alone in the bunk, all alone in camp, the situation was actually like - even if i died there and then no one would even know... Wonderful huh... And im actually wondering how come i am feeling low?... haha seems to be obvious.
Lets see... am i actually pessimistic? I have really tried digging out every possible kind of 'good' in my life and focusing on them and using them to keep me going so i know for one that i am puting an effort but some things i think just can't be helped. Time will help i hope... i sincerly do... Worst still is the fact that my family and friends can see that there is something wrong with me recently, asking me wads wrong and i just can't pin point it to anything... thus i cannot ans them... hmmm... Time... time... past past past... fast fast fast...
Till next time...
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Act Cool... Think the shades dun go...
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Relax & Think...
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Lionel THE MANZ!
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Haloha!
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Lionel & Me!
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Eileen - Mei Nu...
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Woo Hoo!
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Shaq Liao!
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Sentosa!
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Dreaming Away...
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Sitting here staring at the com, wondering what i should add into this post...
Maybe i'll just say something about yesterday's 'outing' to sentosa. Participants would include Eileen, Lionel and finally me (YES! Only us 3). Initially we didn't really want to go at all since there weren't many ppl joining us, but in the end we still went ahead with our plan and i believe that we did kinda enjoy ourselves.
We did mostly the normal stuff, the only problem being that the sun went into hiding once we settled down. i wanted to get some sunshine but in the end i really didn't manage to get much of that. Played lots of volleyball, dived, swam and just allowed myself to push away my problems and thoughts for awhile and forget all i had on mind. The day passed fast and soon we decided to go. Something interesting that happened was that we kinda encountered this gal that was on the verge of tears, running around asking everyone whether they had came across this guy that was walking around with a surf board. The thing is that we did and so we let her know his general direction. She then walked off only to come around to the same place again with the same general question only with more requirements on details... (Poor gal walking around, tearing, franticly pushing the buttons on her phone... haiz... the familar sight of hurt and pain.) We didn't really know much thus we didn't manage to help her the second time. If i had not already finished showering and etc, i would have tried to help more, but as such that fate would have it, i was tired and didn't really care that much (Plus the guy in question looked really tao and exchanged stares with me when we passed so i really didn't care).
We then left and headed to Harbour Front for dinner... Pasta Mania... and subsequently headed home.
During the last week, i think it was wednesday. I went back to CGH for my check up and after the examination, i was then duely discharged from the hospital, (but of course, since i didn't have any complains... except for the usual pains in the morning and the resident aches i constantly experience). And the doctor confirmed that these would be existent for a long time to come. So i guess that i just have to 'get used the the pain'. Its not easy getting used to my physical defect but i hope that i can slowly get back to my regular activities. I have been doing my own excercises and am sure that i will not be kept in my current physical confines forever. I will also be taking part in the Army Half Maraton (AHM) that will be held on the Sheares Bridge, the actual run would be for 21km(Competitive basis) but i am only going to be doing 5km(Non-Competitive) due to my situation. The fact is that i am actually looking forward to running in this event, i have already began trying slow jogs and building up my stamina. Although my leg tends to ache after these workouts, i know that it will only be temporary. I know the risk involved is not small or simple so i have already confirmed with my doc that i have the green light for this, i never want to go through that period of my life again... ever...
Other that that i think there's nothing much else to say. I'm Actually experencing a kind of emotional roller coaster now but i just don't really know how to put it, so i shall just not say much. k then till next time...
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Korean Love Story
I have a boyfriend who grew up with me.His name is Jin.I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him.And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways.I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls.To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl
Jin, do you want to go watch a movie? I asked.
Jin: "I can't" "Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grabbing me.
"No, I am going to meet a friend.
"He was always like that.He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing.To him, I was just a girlfriend.The word "love" only came out from my mouth.Since I knew him, I had never heard him say "I love you" before.
To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days, 200daysEveryday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What?don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: you...um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my three words and handed me the doll.Then he disappeared, like he was running away.The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many...Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday.When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call.But ...lunch passed, dinner passed...and soon the sky was dark he still didn't call.It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore.Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house.Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here...take this...Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday.He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted..."Wait..."
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell meI put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him.But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."That was what he said. Then he ran off.My legs felt numb...and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily...How could he!.I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying.He didn't call me, although I was waiting.He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house.That's how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school.But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street...with another girl...He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me...as he touched the doll...I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell...Why did he gave these to me??Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girlsIn a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around.Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house.I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop.I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that it's going to end.Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around.Soon, he held out the doll as usual
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What?.why?I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking."I'm sorry..." He apologized in a tiny voice.He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll...
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll.Then...Honk~ Honk~With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted....But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"HONK~!!*Boom!* That sound, so terrifying.That's how he went away from me.That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him
And after spending two months like a crazy personI took out the dolls.Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out.I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days- when we were in love.."One...two... three..."That was how I started to count the dolls..."Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..."It all ended with 485 dolls.I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms.I hugged it tightly, then suddenly..."I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked."I...lo..ve..you??"I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach."I love you~ I love you~"It can"t be!
I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side."I love you~""I love you~""I love you~"Those words came out non-stop."I love you~"Why didn't I realize that???.
That his heart was always by my side, protecting me.Why didn't I realize that he love me this much...I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road.It had his blood stain on it.
The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much....
"Jo...Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you..... Um... since I was too shy. If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you.. everyday...till I die.. Jo... I love you!
"The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now?He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute
For that.. and for that reason... to me..... it became courage... to live a beautiful life...
Your name here!
Hmmm... back home today... actually was thinking whether i should come back tonight coz i didn't have any plans anyway. In the end i just decided to come back pei my parents for dinner ba. Now that the course is one its way, my loads of work have also started to diminish, days are more relaxed now although i may still have some periods of hectic shots.
One problem now is that i used to have another spec helping me out now and then which gave me some time to take off, relax and do my stuff gradually, but now, i am left alone as he has been posted to another area. The main problem is not the work load, as in the first place i was mostly the one doing everything anyway, instead, the problem lies in the fact that i am the only one that can handle all their administration, computer related stuff, document processing, training matters, hardware problems, HQ communication, emails, reports and form creation, therefore i CANNOT take any off (which are owed to me coz of weekend duties). haiz actually my 2IC had initially given me off days but now i can only hang in there till another guys gets posted in and learns the stuff he needs to know.
these few days have been really funny for me, i have things on my mind that only my real close friends know bout and i just can't shake them off... its like things that i morally and logically know are not an advantage to me but still i cant control myself... Mind is in a total blur now and can't help thinking too much... and in addition, some of my friends are having problems too so helping them tends to come first, to the extend that i even contemplate too much about their problems.
Recently heard a story about a person whom has really had a hard life, having parents that are divorced, friends that are into drugs or in changi chalet, having to cope with life coz of monetary problems, thus causing a change to notorism. And worse, having people cheating on you even when they know that u are already in a dire condition. Sometimes we should look at our so called 'ah-lians' or 'ah-bengs' in a different light, in a way that is more fair to them instead of just judging the book by its cover, everyone has had problems and every one has had a childhood. A time when we were ignorant and blur, easily misled and confused. As long as one has the intention to change and a desire to live life for the better, the people around them should try their best to help, to help these people find meaning in their lives and to get back on the proper track. To me, the bravest of people are not the ones that scale the highest moutains or walk the longest routes but the ones that are able to realise their gravest mistakes, acknowledge them, and learn to recover from them. And i believe that that's sometimes wad a life may be all about...
Your name here!
I was in camp minding my own business when i stumbled across this poem that was written by one of my pals there, it overwhelmed me with emotion to the extent that i was on the brink of tears and i promised him that i would 'advertise' his work on my blog and so here it is. By: Joachim Auyong
"Tearfully yours" I said as she walked away
"'I'll still love you after many a day"
"Even if you have to say goodbye"
"I will love you till the day I die"
Even before she faded out of sight
I knew in my heart that I would not survive
How could I? I asked myself in despair
When love had left without a care
I treasure the memories we had together
The happiness promised to last forever
Though my heart can hold her no more
I would still love even at death's door
Why did it end like thus?
I thought we were bonded by trust
A trust in the fact that our love was pure
A trust you betrayed and left no cure
I wish we could talk again
I wounder why you'd cause me such pain
The love I knew never would this do
To break my heart leaving not a clue
Joachim Auyong
Your name here!
Its tuesday and im actually at home! haha... will be returning to camp only tomorrow... having leave these two days as the last course just ended and a new batch of trainees are comming in for the ADVANCED SECTION LEADER COURSE... had a really hectic time last week but it felt good to be full of work... i managed to settle everything on time and i really felt good and relieved.
The current flight date that i have on hand for the Taiwan Training Trip is the 8th of Oct, bout a month away... gotta get ready. heard lots of stuff about the whether and environment there, and i'm feeling rather excited. Hope that the trip leaves me with good memories.
I was in camp on sunday doing regimental duty, spent the whole day wasting away and just staring at the television... it was a real waste of time, but thats life and thats the army... Watched the whole New PM's speach too and am now waiting for the new changes that the 5 day week will bring... hope that the changes will be for the better instead of for worse (which is often the case in camp). :-)
ciao! ciao!
Your name here!
Oh my god!... its really been too long since my last post... actually i've really been just damn lazy to sit down in front of the computer and type. I haven't really had much free time to speak of any way so i prefer using my time to meet friends and watch DVDs etc... instead of blogging...
In any case im finally posting one now... (the only reason being that i'm in front of my computer and TV and watching Man U Vs Chelsea...)
Just a while ago i was learning a few new songs on the guitar, specificly being 'The Reason' - by Hoobastank and 'She will be loved' - by Maroon 5, i kinda heard the tunes on the radio and had a sudden urge to try playing them... :) The good news is that once I found the Tabs, i realised that both songs were really easy to play but the bad news is that both songs rely a lot on their Bass and Drums for their tunes and melody so the final sound that is derived from ONLY my guitar still sounds rather boring... Guess i gotta get my camp's drummer to lend a beat or two... :)
The weeks are going by rather fast as there has been lots of stuff to do, so i can safely say that i have been rather occupied. Coz of that, i think that my mind is starting to clear up more and i am now able to really think better and not in a much too clouded aspect... Life is still boring as usual but i have been trying to find programs to help me spend my time. And till now, i guess my efforts have been rather successful. With stuff to do and things to think about, life and time passes much faster and i can feel more at ease with life.
SMU starts school tomorrow and there are a few of my friends that will be commencing their first day tomorrow... here's wishing them Best of luck in their new pharse in life and i hope that everything will be fine for them. Uni life may be stressful but im sure that its more challenging and meaningful than anything u can possibly get in the ARMY so always look on the bright side k guys! And more importantly always remember that although studies are important, this could really be that last time in your lives that u can be in this position as a proper student with only studies and projects to think about so treasure your time and friends as u may never come across such a chance again. REMEMBER TO ENJOY YOURSELVES!!!
haiz... tired liao... guess i'm stopping here... oh and btw... i will be going to taiwan for training soon... so there will be a period where i will not be able to blog... if possible and if my laziness does not kick in again, i will blog before i go and add my trip details in... k then...
Your name here!
Would you do this for someone?
Message: A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on the road...
Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
Guy: No this is fun.
Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.*Girl hugs him*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it onyourself? Its bugging me.
(In the paper the next day):A motorcycle had crashed into a building becauseof break failure. 2 people were on it, but only 1 survived.The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his breaks broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say she loved him & felt her hug 1 last time,then had her wear his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.Would you do this for someone??
i know i would...
Your name here!
My Friendz Links
-------------------
[- Commando Medic -]
[- Andy -]
[- A-Hui -]
[- Dazzling -]
[- FireRed -]
[- ShacGaDelic -]
[- Joanna -]
[- Debby -]
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[- Commando Medic -]
[- Andy -]
[- A-Hui -]
[- Dazzling -]
[- FireRed -]
[- ShacGaDelic -]
[- Joanna -]
[- Debby -]
BIO DATA
Name : Justin
Sex : Male
Dob: 10th July 1983
Zodiac : Cancerian
Area : Tampines
Name : Justin
Sex : Male
Dob: 10th July 1983
Zodiac : Cancerian
Area : Tampines